Critiques [CLOSED]

#157 The Penderghast Prophecy

The Penderghast Prophecy by @Pushppa177

Numbers spelled out completely look more formal.

There were places where you needed better word choices, and where the phrasing was a little off but I commented some recommendations. Apart from that, a good start.

Dialogue not formatted right. Use this as an example:

"I'm going to take nap," said Linda. Her lips split into a huge yawn. "Don't text me until I wake."

I found colloquial language just spoiled the mood. Saffron can still be witty and funny but you don't have to bring it right up to the reader's face.

Tense jumps! Keep the whole thing in past.

Too many ellipses I found (they should only be 3 dots anyway.)

Try to adhere to the rules of basic grammar as much as you can, unless you absolutely have a reason not to.

Comma splices can be fixed with a full stop or semi colon.

Commas before names.

It's/its

Overall, I found the plot weirdly intriguing. I can tell this is going to be a great fantasy. Just work on grammar and characterisation a little more.

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