#129 What We Left Behind

16 1 2

by xanabanana66x

by xanabanana66x

What We Left Behind by @stxrkissed

The one liner at the beginning was very effective. So were the metaphors - they added a real depth to the writing.

I found the paragraphs ever so slightly long but I think that's just an opinion thing.

The writing was raw and felt very real. A lot of emotions were conveyed and did their main job of making the reader feel a certain way.

Quite a lot of commas were present. I tried to comment on these for you.

Numbers spelled out completely look more formal.

Keep tenses consistent.

Overall, a fantastic opening. Minor errors but really not a lot!

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