Critiques [CLOSED]

#78 The Missing Princess

The Missing Princess by @NicoleBrown745

Apostrophes of possession were sometimes in the wrong place but this sorted itself out throughout the 3 chapters. So did the dialogue formatting (mostly).

Simple mistakes like full stops were made.

You had a lot of places where you didn't skip a line so there was this weird block of text. Add a paragraph break in these places.

Plot-hole-wise, when the main character packs because she's heard the news of her parents, the room mate suddenly disappeared. She's still part of the story - maybe add something in to show that she's still in the room, sleeping.

Numbers spelled out look formal.

The plot line was intriguing and the characters were relatable. That's a good sign of a nicely developing story.

Don't be scared of using italics for emphasis.

More description would have helped the story a LOT. Try to use it and get good at it because it will really make your work stand out from the crowd.

Too many commas were used in the most unnecessary places. You need to go through and proof read. This goes without saying for the rest of the chapters.

Minor tense jumps but they were... Well, minor. :)

Thoughts should be in italics.

With dialogue you need a full stop if the thing that comes after it is an action.

Overall, a great start! I can see why people want to read more!
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