Critiques [CLOSED]

#70 The Revenant

The Revenant by @Eezy313

You had some grammar points that you need to address. They were very prominent but repititive which is good because once you address them all you're done. :)

You need a space after a comma. I saw in most places you didn't have one. Just go through the whole thing and correct this. It'll make the writing look a lot clearer.

Occasional comma splices but I marked these up for you.

You had VERY unnecessary apostrophes of possession. For example:

Eye's isn't a word. Eyes is.

And other ones like that. Like the commas, go through and take out the apostrophes.

Blond is for a male. Blonde is for female. Don't ask me why :)

Dialogue needs adjusting. Please refer to other critiques where I've explained this to other people.

In the second chapter with the letter you had some colloquium. It was one word... I think it was 'right' or something. Anyway, I'd go through that and change it. Your style was so good and formal and then it slipped into some slang which really didn't fit at all.

You need commas before names.

I would use italics instead of capitals for exaggeration.

Overall, a good start. I like the characters and the world building. The plot is coming along nicely too. It's mainly just grammar I wanted to talk to you about.

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