#136 Sands And Sparrow

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by xanabanana66x

by xanabanana66x

Sands and Sparrow by SaoirseHavisham

The prose was beautiful - almost lyrical. I like how sophisticated you were.

You had some comma splices but they were quite rare - you combated them often with semi colons which was good.

I found the chapters were too long and they dragged on a little. I would consider cutting them at the points where you have the asterisks.

The plot is coming along nicely although a lot of it seems to be based around battles and death. So many people have died in the first 3 chapters and you barely got to know the characters!

I liked the depth of Hamitha.

Overall, a beautiful start. Please check my comments for corrections as I know English isn't your first language.

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