#5 D.I.C.K

95 7 17

by xanabanana66x

Dedicated to PrincessOfBrightness

by xanabanana66x

D.I.C.K by PrincessOfBrightness

The description was good, giving us details about the lives of three teens. Sometimes what happens with blurbs is that they sound so epic and cool, but when you get inside the book, it's nothing like that at all. This wasn't like that - I could see where every part of the description fit in the story.

Just one suggestion on the blurb, though. When you said 'she will be denied her serenity' I think it would work better as a question. Rhetorical questions are what draw the reader in, and I think that's the perfect spot for one.

There was some great characterisation. All of the characters were complex, particularly Zarek's. I liked how to you gave enough back-story by weaving it into the writing (the bits about his dad) instead of just plonking it all at beginning. Some parts of Zarek's POV were almost comical whilst being serious and mysterious at the same time. That is a very hard thing to pull off, so well done.

One thing. You said 'electrical green eyes' and 'forest green eyes' too much. Furthermore, I think 'electric green' would sound better, and why not vary Ryan's appearance, as he and Zarek are described very similarly? Or perhaps you could add a vital difference between them?

There were a few common spelling mistakes (like 'hights' instead of 'heights'). However, others had pointed this out, so I think that's an easy fix.

Dialogue wasn't the best I've seen, but then not the worst either. You had the main principles right, but you would put a comma at the end of EVERYTHING! Try not to do that and stick to nice, regular full stops. :)

There is also no need for speech marks in thought. As in:

There's no milk, she thought. NOT! 'There's no milk,' she thought. Okay?

Overall, well done on a very good story. Your sentence formations were brilliant and characters were in-depth and complex, which is relatively hard to do.

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