#45 Taken By A Bear

29 4 5

by xanabanana66x

by xanabanana66x

Taken By a Bear by @BDTownes

You need commas before names.

When you have an adjective and then gerund you need to have a hyphen in between them.

The whole bear thing was very intriguing!

You had very occasional spelling errors like 'torcher' instead of 'torture'.

Every new speaker needs a new line.

Some paragraph breaks were slightly off but I commented on these for you.

Great character development. I really resented Jake and found myself liking Sage a lot. And it takes a lot to make me like a character. :)

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

If you would like a critique, please read the guidelines, fill out the form, and complete the payment, all which can be found at the beginning of this book. See you there. :)