Critiques [CLOSED]

#68 Beginning To End

Beginning To End by @CaffeinatedAnxiety
TWO CHAPTERS

Paragraph breaks were a huge problem!! You had huge blocks of text where you didn't skip a line (so press the enter button twice if you know what I mean. On a phone anyway.)

You should use italics instead of capitals for exaggerated effect. Use capitals sparingly (like SPARINGLY). Plus, it looks neater.

Numbers spelled out look more formal.

You had quite a few comma splices but I commented on most of them you. That's when you have two sentences that make perfect sense on their own but you put a comma in between the two of them. What you should do is put a semi colon between them (the sentences also need to be related in topic).

I liked the quirkiness of the family, especially the mum. I also loved the kids' names. I thought they were really original.

Dialogue needs improving slightly. You had the basic principles right. Maybe refer to other critiques where I've explained the process to other people.

More description would have been nice (like not describing Jack as cute all the time. Give us some insight as to what he looks like.)

More showing not telling. SHOW us that the situation is awkward; don't just get your main character to state it to us.

Overall, a really nice attempt. I really enjoyed reading it.

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