#97 Instant Disconnection

11 3 3

by xanabanana66x

by xanabanana66x

Instant Disconnection by @nedoperepil_

Small errors (really not a lot).

In dialogue, a comma needs to come before the dialogue tag. This doesn't apply to action, though. I would recommend picking up any old book and seeing how the writer uses dialogue and then apply it to your own work.

You needed commas to separate clauses.

Commas before names.

Thoughts should be in italics (they were) but also vice versa (so when you're writing a flashback or something entirely in italics then the thoughts should be in normal format).

The ending didn't feel like the end!! I feel like this could be the start of something really great. Keep this in mind.

I commented all of the corrections so I would go through and change those. Nothing else was wrong apart from those things. Brilliant!

Overall, a fantastic opening (it is NOT the end!!)

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