Critiques [CLOSED]

#104 Hunter's Shadow

Hunter's Shadow by @EmmaConnolly379

CHAPTERS 17-19

Commas before names - this was a big issue. I tried to comment on them but I don't think I got them all so it would be a good idea just to check through.

Good, improved dialogue (especially the one with Sky). It was engaging.

I loved the way you portrayed liveliness in Sky's character.

No speech marks needed for thoughts.

About that dash thing in dialogue I'll give you an example:

"You really aren't" -- Linda set her coffee on the table -- "going to that ball with her, are you?"

The relationship between Hannah and Blake is really blossoming (I think having people like Victoria there helps).

Overall, this is coming along really nicely. I think you need to start getting Hannah and Blake talking to each other more because any more waiting and the reader will get uninterested!

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

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