Critiques [CLOSED]

#96 TCAO - The Bewitching Hour

TCAO - The Bewitching Hour by @VoidBenMason

The beginning had an old feel to it which I think fits the style very nicely.

New speaker=new line

Apostrophes were missing for letters and for indication of possession.

Italics needed for speech when it's not spoken / implied (hope you get what i mean).

You need commas to split clauses.

Paragraphs were too long. It was quite difficult to read also because the sentences were not divided by normal full stops. I would revise basic grammar.

Your = belonging to you
You're = you are

I would go over and seriously edit these chapters. Use my comments as a guide.

Its = belonging to it
It's = it is

Tense jumps were quite big. Keep it in the past!

More descriptions would have been nicer instead of pictures. The more you practise describing things, the better you become and the better your writing flows / it gets better in general.

I felt like the plot was very vague. Nothing much happened but when it did (like the book and the omen and all that) it was quite confusing.

Likewise, the characters were not deep or interesting enough. You need to have them be more flawed.

Commas before names.

I felt like the love scene came a little too early.

Overall, a good attempt. Look at my comments and build from there.

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