Purple Roses ° Sirius Black ✓

94 | life changes

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𝓓𝓮𝓪𝓻 𝓢𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓾𝓼,

I've been thinking,
what would have happened if
I hadn't gone to hogwarts?

You see, I never told you,
but my parents were going to initially
send me to another school instead
of Hogwarts.

They were thinking of sending me to Ilvermorny or Beaubatons, one or the other. They were thinking of sending Jason to Durmstrang even,
but they didn't.

One of my uncles conceived
them to send Jason to our school.
Then, when my hogwarts letter arrived,
I also received other two.

My mom wanted me to go to Beaubatons, so I could learn more languages and be all fancy.
My dad wanted my to go to Ilvermorny, so I go to and learn about other societies within the wizarding world.

Me?
I was undecided.

In one hand, I wanted to go to France, where I had been hearing beautiful things about. They all said it was
a nice school, and that you learned a lot.
But in the other hand, I wanted to go to America, because I heard they had a different system, and I was interested
to see what it was about.

The day before my decision,
I was with Jason in Diagon Alley to look for his materials. He was actually the only one who didn't told me where
I should go, he simply said:

❝it doesn't matter where you go, Sam, as long as your heart tells you it's the right place, it's going to be your home, so think about it with love❞

He got me thinking a lot that day.

He introduced me to his friends, and none of them pressured me into choosing hogwarts, they actually told me that no matter where I'll go,
they would still be happy and I could hang out with them all summers.

That night, I was in my room with
my three letters laid in front of me.
They were displayed next to each other, giving me puppy eyes.

I thought about it a lot, more than I should have. And at the end of the night, I chose Beaubatons.

I thought I was happy when I did, because it was the school most of the people around me wanted me to go.

I remember walking to the window
and just staring at the stars and the moon. I didn't even notice when
I started crying.

I started to imagine how my life
would be when I went to France.
Parts were good, but I just wasn't really into it. I wasn't following my heart.
Not truly.

The next morning,
I told my parents my decision.

They were a little disappointed, of course. They didn't say it, but
I saw it in their eyes. I was given the opportunity to go to a new place and I said no.

But I understood, at a very young age, that this was going to be my life.
This was going to be my future, not theirs. They had always made decisions for me, some of them I was capable of doing myself, but they still did it.
But not this time.

I've been thinking,
what would have happen if I hadn't
gone to hogwarts?

What would have happen if I had never met Lily and Marlene? Or Remus, Peter, and James?

What would have happen if I had
never met you?

It's difficult to say, but my life would have been very different. I don't think
I would be the same person.

So many things had happened,
some more difficult than others. And they make me wonder, if they would still had happened if I wasn't there.

Some people believe that our future
is already set. That what we do has already been decided by something bigger than us.

Others think that our decisions are
what makes our future. That we make our destiny.

I don't know whose right, and honestly,
I don't want to know.

All I know is that I am here,
and this is my life now.

I'm sorry I haven't written in here
in a while. There hasn't been anything
I have to say here when I have you
by my side.

But I'm okay, if you're wondering.

I have come to an agreement with myself that this is my life, no matter how difficult it might get or how hard it hits. This is my life, and I will try to protect it, as much as I will try and protect the ones I love.

Goodbye Sirius, I'll see you soon.
I love you.

𝓢𝓲𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓵𝔂,

𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓱𝓪