Confessions

163 "An open letter to the other girl"

Post taken from//Fb page: FEU Secret Files

An Open Letter to the Other Girl

"I am not from FEU anymore, but my boyfriend still is.

We've been together for around 3 years now, but other than that, kahit bago pa mag three years, we've basically been together narin since matagal nanligaw sakin yung current boyfriend ko, and we both went through a lot. My boyfriend went through a lot, while he was courting me palang, just to prove that it was worth it for me to choose him over my ex back then that was trying to win me over at the same time. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging here but for almost a year, I really felt like I was one hell of a prize for him to actually pursue me still kahit na ang hirap at ang tagal.

Yes, it's safe to say that he really did earn me. Everything about me, my love, my trust, my respect. Everything. So, of course, I gave in and said yes.

I never really had a major problem with my boyfriend. Actually, I was very, very proud of him. He's very sweet, responsible, driven and just plain passionate with the path that he's currently in. Other than that, he is really a gentleman, a thoughtful boyfriend, a perfect partner in crime... Yeah, you get the picture.

That's until when I found out that for the longest time, may kasabay pala ako. May kahati ako sakanya.

She's from FEU as well. I don't know how it happened. I don't know how they met. Because of course, when I found out and confronted him about it, he wouldn't spill anything. He wouldn't admit what he has done. All I ever received were a bunch of suspicious reassurances. Mararamdaman mo naman kasi yun eh, lalo na kung kilala mo na yung tao ng humigit tatlong taon. Kahit akala niya nauuto ka na niya, mababasa mo parin kung may tinatago ba talaga siya. At mababasa mo rin sa mga galawan nung babae kahit sa social media kung nabuking ba siya at tinataguan ka.

So here's an open letter to you, girl who is fully aware that the man that you are trying to win over and snatch away is in a long-term, serious relationship with someone.

Hi, I know I don't need to introduce myself anymore because based on what I found about you, I'm sure that you have been aware of my existence since you two started to see each other.

Alam kong may kasalanan din ang boyfriend ko sa nalaman kong to dahil natukso siya. But then that's another issue for us to settle. My concern here is you.

I just really want to ask.

Why?

Why see a man who is already taken?

Why ask or a man's love still when you know his love is already reserved for someone else? (And I know you know this kasi kahit kailan hindi niya ako tinangkang hiwalayan) Bakit mo pa pinagsisisksikan ang sarili mo kahit alam mo naman nang wala kang lugar sa taong yon? Kasi kung meron, matagal niya na akong iniwan. At dapat, ngayong nalaman ko, hindi ka niya ipagpapatuloy na ideny saakin.

I do not and will never understand how girls can do this to fellow girls.

Do you think of yourself so lowly na feeling mo wala ka nang matatagpuang iba kaya kahit may siyota na, basta nagpakita ng interes sayo, pinatos mo na? Is your self-esteem really that damaged for you to settle for attention na hanggang dun na lang? Okay lang sayo na oo, boyfriend mo rin siya, pero tinatago ka niya? Are you really that insecure with yourself that you don't see the possibility of finding someone else para pigilan ang sarili mong makipagrelasyon sa isang taong may karelasyon nang iba? Or do you not know the meaning of respect? I do not understand. I am trying so hard to soften every bit of awful reason kung bakit magagawa ng isang babae to but I can't. How can you say to me, or anybody else that you have a reason that's GOOD ENOUGH to steal someone away from someone else?

Siguro hindi mo pa naranasan na magkaron ng kahati sa iba kaya hindi mo magawang maimagine kung anong ginagawa mo sa babaeng walang kamuwang muwang. Dahil ayoko isiping ganun ka kawalang puso na naimagine mo na mararamdaman ko pero ipinagpatuloy mo parin. Hindi ko alam. Patuloy kong sinusubukang intindihin kung bakit mo ginagawa to, hindi lang sakin pero sa sarili mo rin.

Alam kong hindi lang ako ang nasasaktan dito. Alam kong saating dalawa, mas nasasaktan ka kasi kung may pinaglalaban ang boyfriend ko ngayon, alam at nakikita nating pareho na ako yon. Kaya bakit?

Oo, sinasabi ko to dahil hindi ko pa din kayang bitawan kung anong meron kami kasi hindi ko lang tinuturing na boyfriend to. Best friend ko narin siya. Hindi lang ganun kababaw ang napagdaanan at relasyon namin kaya oo, kahit mukhang medyo katangahan na subukan siyang intindihin, sinusubukan ko parin.

Pero sinasabi ko rin to dahil gusto kong maintindihan mo na nilalagay mo ang sarili mo sa isang lugar na kaawa awa ka na. If he really did love you, if I saw that he really does, I would let him go. I would. Dahil ayokong makipagkumpetensya pa kung alam ko namang mapupunta sa wala. Pero sa nakikita ko, in the way he makes it all up for me, in the way that he explains himself, kahit pa siguro sabihin nating sinusubukan niyang bilugin ang ulo ko, the fact na nagagawa ka niyang ideny sa akin ay patunay na wala siyang balak bitawan kung ano mang meron kami para sayo.

At alam kong alam mo rin yon, ayaw mo lang tanggapin dahil nakikita ko naman sa mga posts mo.

Sana wag mo nang gawin to. Sana wag ka nang sumira ng relasyon ng iba para lang sa kaligayahan mo. Please. Have more respect for yourself, give yourself some more worth to know who to give that type of love and attention to. Kung magmamahal ka narin lang ng sobra, sana sa lalaking kaya kang ipagmalaki at ipaglaban sa iba. At higit sa lahat, yung kaya kang mahalin nang hindi ka pinagaantay at isinasang tabi para sa ibang babae.

If you can't respect our relationship, then please, at least have a little bit of respect for yourself."

The Girlfriend
2011
Institute of Architecture and Fine Arts (IARFA)
FEU Manila