Confessions

126 "Sorry, Dear Dennise"

Post taken from//Fb page: FEU Secret Files

Sorry.

"Dear Dennise,

You know, it's actually funny, that we became friends, bestfriends even, when I first saw you as a threat. You sat beside me in that class and contradicted my idea of forever. I found you smart and the thought that you can block my way to my goal to graduate as a Valedictorian made me scared. So I'm really sorry if I acted that way for weeks.

I can't remember how I got too attached with you. Maybe it was the way you tell me stories. Or how you hug me when I'm feeling like giving up. Or how you kiss me when you bid goodbye.

I don't know how it started or what made me feel the feeling of love. I found myself smiling like an idiot while watching you sleep peacefully. It made me scared when I realized that I'm slowly falling hard for my bestfriend. It was like riding a roller coaster in the process. I felt the thrill, and the butterflies. I felt alive.

I wish love isn't this complicated. We just love the people we love and then they'll love us back. No heartbreaks, no unrequited feelings. But that, too isn't possible.

I wanted tk get away from you. I wanted to run as fast as I could and escape from my bitter reality. I wanted to forget you. But I was too caught up in the image of an angel smiling at me. The more that I run, the more that I fall.

There were times when I can't stop asking myself, ""If I tell you the truth, will that change anything? Will you be mine? Can we be more than this?""

I found my answer, Dennise. The answer is, No.

But it did changed something. My confession took you away from me. It took my heart, my feelings, my happiness, I was unable to move on. I was stuck by the thought of you finally letting go of me. And it hurts.

It hurts more than watching you fall in love with someone else and it wasn't me.

I know it will hurt, but I wasn't ready to feel the real pain yet.

I broke my own heart in the process of loving you. I gave my all to someone who doesn't even know what sacrifices have I done make her happy.

I should've been happy, right? You made things easier for me. You opened my eyes that I should stop holding on to nothing. That I should've let you go years ago.

I expected the things that happened that night. The moment you looked down, I know you'll say goodbye. I know you'll choose him because that was the right thing to do. But I don't blame you nor him. I blame myself, for being too ignorant. For hoping that fairytales do happen. That maybe we can be Alex and Rosie in that damn movie. That we can be Brad Pitt and Angeling. Crazy right?Maybe that's what love does, it makes you think that the impossible things are possible.

I don't feel guilty for hiding my feelings for you. Because I did my best to save the friendship I treasured. Atleast for 3 years I experienced to love you. Unconditionally love you. I know we're still young and we still have dreams to look forward to so that's what I'm gonna do.

I'm building my walls again, Dennise. I'm locking myself up... Let me be because I'll be fine. Maybe someday we will be the people we used to be.

Maybe someday, we can be friends again without me falling hardly inlove with you. Maybe we could watch movie together and laugh until our stomach hurts.

Maybe.

I have decided to Enroll in DLSU, Dennise. They recruited me to be an Archer and I accepted it. I'll start again. I'm telling you this because deep inside me, even if you ended what we have, you're still my bestfriend.

But for the moment, I'm cutting the strings that connects the two of us. I can't be friends with someone I fell in love with. I'm tired of hurting so, I'm closing my doors.

Thank you for all the memories, Dennise. Thank you for making me happy and making me experience things I thought was never possible. I'm sorry this ended so soon.

You already said your goodbye, and in this letter, I'm finally saying mine.

Goodbye.

Sincerely,

E"

E.
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