Confessions

101 "Diary ng panget"

Post taken from//Fb page: FEU Secret Files

DIARY NG PANGET

"Today, I just lost the entire bits of the litlest remaining confidence in myself.

My boyfriend would send me selfies on a regular basis. He is goodlooking. I wouldn't deny that. I thought of paying back the selfies that he's been sending me by sending mine too. But he just do not acknowledge it at all. He goes on opening another topic. I thought it was just a one time thing. But then I realized that it happens all the time. That kind of punched me in the gut, a bit. Who wouldn't want to be noticed by a guy, especially by your very own partner, right?

Then came the time when I decided to upload selfies on my account, which I rarely do. Typical girl thing. It would be irksome if someone would stop me since it's just a one time thing per quarter of the year in my life. To be very honest I wasn't trying to gain anyone's attention. I have uploaded those photos just for the sake of showcasing the art of selfie in my profile. Well, my boyfriend did hit the like button for that post, and I was like oh.. It's probably a not-so-surprising thing since he is my guy. An unspoken relationship stuff that normally happens perse. Anyways, enough of the segue. We then met in person after a few days and then he was like..

""Oh nag-upload ka ng selfies. Hahaha. Ang pangit mo."" I would have taken it lightly and whole-heartedly even as a joke or the horrifying truth. But then he went on going back to the topic again, reiterating how ugly I am and even mocking and mimicking the poses that I did. Yung feeling na kulang na lang nagcomment sya dun sa pictures ko na sobrang pangit ko para ipangalandakan sa buong mundo. He has these physical flaws that I constanly see. Flaws that friends around me would rant about but never have I ever pointed them out to him.

I know I am no Liza, Kathryn nor Nadine. I know I am not beautiful. Moreover, I have been drowned in the truth that I am indeed, UGLY. Masakit lang pala talaga kasi na galing dun sa bibig ng mismong pinakamamahal mo manggaling at isampal sa mukha mo. Nakakawala ng self confidence. I wouldn't care kung sa iba manggaling yun. Tatawanan ko pa siguro. Pero nung sa kanya nanggaling, ang sakit talaga eh. Haha. I wish I could go back to the exact moment when he said those things and effortlessly be numb. And probably laugh over it. I had to grab my phone to pretend that I have something to show him to change the topic when in reality I was stopping myself from crying. But, oh well. Thankful ako kasi mahal mo yata ako kahit na pangit ako. Palagi mo nga sinasabing ginayuma lang kita. Sana di mo ako ipagpalit kahit na madalas na may mga tunay na magagandang nakapalibot sayo. Mahal na mahal kita.

Salamat sa mga nakibasa/nakinig. I just needed to voice it out. Sorry kung ang sensitive ko. Hahaha ang panget ko kasi kaya ganun. So last na shut up na lang ako. Lols."

UGLY DUCKLING
2010
DLSU