Confessions

1 "Hidden Chapters"

Post taken from//Fb page: Dela Salle University - Dasmariñas Secret Files

Not from La salle but sana mapost to :)
Ang sakit nung Mahal niyo ang isa't-isa pero tutol lahat sa inyo. We are 4th cousins. Pero kung makahusga yung tao, para naman tayong 1st cousins. The norms and standards nga naman. So the story goes like this:
It all started with a simple "uy". It was October 3,2017 when you chatted me via messenger. We're cousins. Not so sure if it's 4th or 3rd. Kuya ang tingin ko sayo and sister naman ang Turing mo sa akin.
"Uy? Haha Kuya? Bat nakaFB ka? Wala ka bang trabaho? "
I replied. He's already a licensed professional Teacher. At ako? Isa lamang hamak na seniorhighschool girl. Hes even 6 years older than me. October 3,2017. October, 3,2017. Di ko malilimutan ang araw na yan. It was when the most memorable yet the most painful chapters of my life started. He confessed. During that time di ko alam ang sasabihin ko. I was caught off guard. May boyfriend ako nun. Pero I really felt that I've been moved by my cousin's confession. Srsly, I admire him noon pa. He was an ideal man. A man whose values are very firm and mature. He has this sense of humor na talagang nakakadala. And men, talagang nag-uumapaw ang sex appeal niya. Ff so ayun, nung una ayaw ko talagang patulan sya but later on, bumigay rin ako. I was so scared. Coz kahit almost perfect na sya, may dark side parin talaga siya just like every other people. He's a Playboy. A Casanova. A damn womanizer. Ang Dali lang sa kanya na paikutin lahat ng babae. I tried so hard not to fall too deep coz ayaw kong masaktan but truly, I did. I fell in love with him. So bad. Ff nakipaghiwalay ako sa boyfriend ko and I told him the real reason why. I felt guilty pero mas magiguilty ako Kung ipagpapatuloy ko yung relasyon namin. So kami ni kuya (which is naging Part kalaunan, oo tawagan namin yan) Wala kaming exact label. With all those midnight conversations na umaabot hanggang morning. Long sweet messages. Date sa bakuran namin oo, nagkikita kami sa bakuran kase di naman namin nagagawa lahat ng gusto naming gawin tuwing umaga eh. Kase takot kami. We're so afraid to loose each other.
Kasama ko nga pala sya sa isang banda. slightsmile emoticon It's a Christian band. Pareho kaming vocalist. Para kaming mga sira nun. May selosang nagaganap. May mga arguments pero napag-uusapan lang naman. May "Iloveyousomuch" na pasimpleng ibinubulong pag magkatabi tayo. May "hawak-kamay", moments for seconds pag nalilingat sila ng tingin hahai nakakamiss lang 

"I love you so much. I miss you every second and even in every tick tack of the clock. I love you so much. How I wish that Im free enough to be with you. You know, every night when Im alone, Im always thinking about you and about us. How I wish you are beside me, hugging me tightly while we are sharing corny jokes, laugh at each others faces, and telling memories that doesnt make sense at all. How I wish that we can lay on the grass together, holding each others hand while waiting for a meteorite to reach the earths atmosphere and utter our united wish. I dont have any single regret of loving you. If I will be given the chance to correct this, no I wont. You are my favorite mistake. You know , my heart is crying when Im staring at you. Realizing that I cant be with that face forever. I never felt this way and its bit unfair . Coz it happened to the person who will never be with me. I love you so much. You are the coffee to my cream (haha) and the apple to my forehead hehe. Im really jealous to those person who are free to be with you, free to tag you with their sweet post And who can say I love You even in the middle of the crowd. Sometimes How I wish that there will be no daylight, bcoz the nightime will be my only friend. The only one who will let me hug,kiss and say the sweetest line to you. I love you so much. You may be a hidden chapter of my life but youre a story that is a nobel prize candidate in my heart. Words cant express how reality sucks. Letters cant compose how the missing piece of mine was completed by you. I love you so much and i will always do."
Message niya one time na nagpaiyak sa akin ng todo. How we wished we aren't in this situation. Sana, malaya kaming dalawa na ipagsigawan sa mundo kung gaano namin kamahal ang isat-isa.

Ff. Dumating ang araw na kinatatakutan namin. Nalaman ng ate niya ang tungkol sa amin. 3 days kaming walang communication. Galit na galit si ate niya frown emoticon pero kahit ganun, we didn't gave up. Pinagpatuloy namin ang pagmamahalan namin. After those 3 days, bumalik yung communication namin pero mas naging maingat na kami. Di na nga kami ngtatawagan tuwing hatinggabi sa takot na mabuking kami. Okay naman kami. Mas sumaya pa nga nang dahil dun. slightsmile emoticon
A:part
S:hmm?( He responded habang nakatingala sa langit.)
STARGAZING has always been the thing we always want to do pag nagkikita kami every midnight.
A: pag namimiss natin Yung isat-isa, tingin lang tayo sa stars. Hehe alam mo na.
Maganda ang naging takbo ng lahat. Hanggang sa may ibang nakaalam na naman. It was Pastor Mark. Host Pastor namin. He talked with me. Pinayuhan niya akong wag na naminu ipagpatuloy. I said yes. I was really going to follow his advice but I failed. Hindi kase kita matiis. Sabi mo na wag tayong sumuko kahit anong mangyari. Ff. Pinagpatuloy namin sa pinakamaingat na paraan. Doon na naging mahirap. Halos di na kami magtinginan. Minsan nalang din yung pagkikita namin sa likod ng bahay. At doon, pareho tayong naging cold sa isat-isa. Nag-aaway na tayo sa mga walang kwentang bagay. Nagsusumbatan. Pero kahit ganun, hindi kami bumitaw sa isat-isa. Ff. Marami na ang nakaalam. Pero pag tinatanong tayo, pareho nating idinedeny. Dahil dun, you decided to make a move para medyo madivert Yung attention ng mga tao sa iba. Nanligaw ka ng isang babae. I trusted you coz sabi mo that it was just for our goodness. To cut it short,sinagot ka niya. Doon ko na hindi kinaya. Ang ganda niya. Pareho pa kayong teacher. Tapos Ang bait din. Naguilty tuloy ako. Nasaktan ako sobra. Alam ko namang mahal niya talaga ako. Sino ba namang baliw ang magririsk para lang sa trip-trip diba? And also, nararamdaman ko that he is. Masakit lang. Na makitang grabe nayung sakripisyo namin Lalo na sya. So I decided to cut off the tie. That was the first time i saw him beg and cry.
A: ayoko na maging komplikado pa ang buhay mo,part.
S: Bakit? Sa tingin mo gusto ko to? Gusto kong ipahamak ang sarili ko? Na gusto kong maging komplikado ang buhay ko? Gusto kong maging di-komportable? Part naman, hindi ko to ginusto. But kinakaya ko at tinitiis ko. Kase mahal na mahal kita part. Please, wag kang sumuko.
Ff. After that night di na ako nagparamdam. I blocked him on Facebook at nagchange din ako ng simcard. Sinagot ko yung nanliligaw dati sa akin. Alam niya Yung situation but pumayag parin sya. Gabigabi umiiyak ako. Naapektuhan nadin yung studies ko. I was the first honor during the first semester. Pero nung 1st quarter ng second sem. Halos bumulusok lahat ng grades ko. I was so devastated. Pero last month Lang, parang nagbloom ulit yung connection natin sa di mapaliwanag na dahilan. Parang bumalik yung dating tayo. We're both in a relationship and pareho nating alam na mali. Pero pinagpatuloy parin natin. But then, everything turned sour again. Kase di natin Alam kung ano bang karapatan natin sa isat-isa. Kung kelan tayo dapat magselos? O kung may karapatan tayong magselos sa mga sweet posts ng partners natin. Pero it was fixed naman. We love each other so much. Na kahit pareho na tayong nasasaktan sige parin. Until one night, one thought kept me awake till morning "Hindi naman kayo ang para sa isa't-isa sa huli eh." Realization hit me. We can't be together until the end. And so kahit masakit nagdecide ako to finally cut everything between us. Ayaw ko na. Masasaktan lang din naman natin ang isa't-isa. Siguro, kailangan na natin tanggapin na hindi talaga tayo para sa isa't-isa. Move on from everything. Pero kahit ganun, mahal na mahal parin Naman kita eh.  It's just that love isn't sometimes enough to keep a relationship. Kase mnsan, kahit gaano niyo kamahal ang isa't-isa, may mga bagay parin na pipigil sa inyo. We're both servants of the Lord. Marami pa tayong pangarap sa church. We serve as inspiration sa mga tao. Part, maybe hindi nga tayo ang itinadhana, but I'll be always thankful kay Lord na minsan tong nangyari sa buhay ko. You'll always own a piece of me part. I love you so much, but I guess this is the end of everything. I'll be always praying for you.

Taboolover💔
Visitor
2018