Laying spread out across the couch, I took another cookie from the packet, breaking it in half and slowly nibbling at the edge of it.
The room was silent except for the TV playing, and in that moment I felt content.
It wasn't long before my peace was interrupted by the door opening and slamming shut making me jump. I peered over the back of the couch to see Jason taking off his jacket and throwing it over the banister of the stairs.
I almost smiled. I wanted to smile. But the deep frown that took over his face, making him lose the youthful look in his face, made me frown also. I didn't speak as I watched him take off his shoes.
I laid down on my back once more, my eyes never leaving his face. He came around to the front of the couch and casually picked up my legs, sitting in the space they were taking up. He sighed as he sat down. He leaned back, running his hands up and down his face.
Watching him, I slowly reached for the packet of cookies. I took another for myself and held the packet out for him. Once he heard the rustle, he turned to look at my face, then down at the open packet before him. I noticed his face softened at my small action.
He gladly took one and bit into it, I listened as it crunched, breaking the silence. He sat with his left arm on the side of the couch, bringing his hand around the back of his neck. Neither of us had spoken yet.
I moved the cookies next to his thigh. I sat up and moved closer to him. I felt our bare arms brush against each other, I appreciated the cool of his skin contrasting against the warmth of my own.
I kissed his arm, looking up at his face. There was still faint evidence of stress on his face when he looked down at me. "You okay?" My voice was barely audible - I'd been sat alone all day so I hadn't spoken. This was the first time since Jason had left last night.
"Mhm." He nodded, but his jaw clenched and his body was tense telling me he wasn't at his best.
"I know you're not." I rubbed his stomach through his shirt. "But you don't have to tell me anything." My head rested at ease on his upper arm.
I knew Jason when he was like this and from what I'd experienced in the past, I knew it was best to let him come to me; If I bugged him constantly about what was wrong, he'd get frustrated and storm away from me. But if I just sat with him, he'd eventually feel comfortable and open up. He was basically just a big kid when he wanted to be.
He repositioned us so that he had his arms tightly around my waist while his head fell in my neck. I smiled. He began leaving small kisses up and down my skin. "I've had a rough day. A long day. I was taking care of some bitch who fucked our order up but all I could think of was coming home to you. Fuck, I've missed you." I listened intently. His breath hit my neck everytime he spoke.
Softly, I let my fingers trailed patterns on his neck, to this he let out a shaky breath. "The shit's hit the fan at work and everyone's stressed, I'll end up putting a gun to an innocent man's head by the end of the week." I cringed, hoping he didn't but I knew he was slightly serious. "I just want to stay at home with you and lay with you and kiss you and cuddle you and fuck you and take all of my stress out on you, all day." He sighed, I shivered.
"You know I'm always free for that." I chuckled, pulling him closer to me. When Jason was like this, I tended not to give advice, I simply listened just as he wanted me to.
"I'd take you right here, right now if I had the energy. I'd fuck all my frustration away." His hand ran down my hip, but he made no effort in moving any further.
"How about I..?" I trailed off; I didn't have to finish my sentence because by the time my hand was running down his lower stomach and over his cock, he'd understood what I meant. But he grabbed my hand.
"No," He put my hand back in my lap. "I don't want you to feel like you have to, and anyway, I wanna cuddle." He cringed as he said the word. "I never thought I'd be turning down a blowjob from a girl so that we can just sit and hold each other. What have you done to me? Shit." He sighed, pressing his face into my chest.
"You're so cute." I chuckled, pressing my hand into his so that I could feel his warmth. "Is there anything else?"
"Shut the fuck up." He huffed childishly, I could practically feel the burning of his cheeks. He was silent for a moment, for quite some time that I thought maybe he didn't hear me. "I'm just so alone, [Y/N]. It hurts and I don't know how to stop it. All I can do is drink 'til I'm numb and fuck you until you're sore. Which I'm partly sorry for, by the way."
"Why?"
"Becaus-Wait, 'why' to which part?" He looked up at me.
"Why are you sorry?" Looking down at him, I noticed the sorrow in his facial expression. I took the time to lean over and grab two cookies; one for me, one for Jason. I shoved mine in my mouth and handed his to him. He broke it in half and ate slowly.
"Because when I'm like that and I just want to make it go away, I don't have any sense of respect and even though one of my greatest pleasures is seeing you pleasured and satisfied, in that state I can be selfish and only care about getting myself off. And let's face it, I know you like it rough but it's probably some of my worst dick game when I'm like that; I'm uncoordinated and everything." He stroked my hip, he finished off his biscuit.
"Don't be so hard on yourself, baby." My fingers ran along the skin on his neck.
He interrupted me before I could continue. "I'm scared. I'm fucking scared shitless." His voice was on the verge of breaking. Before I could ask why, he continued again but I didn't mind. "You're the only thing I've got, babygirl. I've got no one except you. And I need you. I need you more than the drugs or the alcohol, more than the thrill of killing, because I know you're the only thing that makes me happy without having to feel guilty for enjoying it."
I enjoyed his closeness when I had it. He was here and I was holding him. I was holding him. Even though he was hurting, he was trusting me and all I wanted was to pour all of my love into him.
"You're the easiest thing in my life, you make it all so, so easy. And I'm scared, I'm scared I'm going fuck it up and lose you. I don't know what to do without you, baby." His hand gripped my shirt (which happened to be his) in his hand, squeezing it so tight that his knuckles turned white. I took a hold of his fist and ran my thumb up and down his hand. "I love you. Please don't leave me. Ever. I need you." He kissed my neck.
"I love you too, I'm-"
"Say that again. Tell me you love me again. Please." His breathing was steadying, and I felt him relaxing.
"I love you. I love you so much. Always." I kissed his head to which he hummed.
We stayed like that for the next few hours, just holding each other. We talked about everything from his day to the idea of taking a year long vacation in the Bahamas. But I was there, and he was there and we were together, contently. We were content because we holding each other. And stuffed up on cookies.
