Shattered Mind Saga

(DAY) 16

            I cursed him in my mind. I cursed Evian for doing this and then handing the body over to me. I even cursed Night-Ian, I cursed Nian for not answering me. For not protecting me from what was to come. From not saving me now for what we knew were going to happen later. The apartment wasn’t that far from the house. Of course it wasn’t they couldn’t lock me away somewhere to far from them. There are times when I wonder if they wish they could just keep met here. Away from the family. If they could abandon me and forget that I was there son. Forget that they ever had a son named Ian.

            Sometimes I wish that they would. For me and for them. I wished that we all could save each other pain and disappointment and they could leave me there. Then they could have a normal life. Then they could be a normal family. I looked over at my father again. He was enough to make my family not normal. A father that beats his wife. That beats his children. You would think that would be the reason that our family stood apart from others. But the son with different selves living inside of his head. A son that cuts his aunt’s face up while she sleeps and threaten the safety of everyone that lives with him. Of everyone that has over gotten close to him. That trumps the abusive dad any day of the week.

            Father parked the car and I knew not to protest against him. I knew that it would only make it worst for me if I did that. I followed him and out and up to the top floor where the apartment was. Where my apartment was since I was the only person that ever used this place. Since this was not meant to be a place of joy or freedom but a prison for me. I wondered how long I would have to stay here this time. The longest they have ever locked me here was two weeks but I think what Evian did might grant me an even longer stay.

            I walked in the apartment before my father and the only thing that was in here was a mattress that was in the bedroom the rest of the house was empty. Empty if you didn’t include the blood stained floor. Or the first aid kits there was brought and stacked in the corner so that it never ran out. So that no matter what wounds was caused in this house of pain they would be patched up.

            I stood in the middle of the floor in the living room waiting for my father to say or do something. The silence was killing me. The stillness of him was killing me. I knew what was coming. I was bracing myself for it and yet nothing happened yet. I allowed hope to rise inside of me. With my fear and my worry hope was rising as well. Maybe even he didn’t have the strength to deal with me on this night. Maybe even he didn’t know what to do with me. I swallowed around a lump that was forming in the throat and licked my lips. There dry and cracking and I was nervous as well.

            “Father…” I started and my voice sounded strange. It was the only thing that had been said in a while. After all the noise and mayhem that was in the house and then the silence that was the ride over here. It sounded so strange to me to break that silence. I shook my head not knowing what I was going to say but knowing that I needed to plead my case. “Father please it was Evian he…” I started and father only held up his hand to stop my words. To discourage any conversation.

            I was such a failure I was such a loser no wonder he wouldn’t speak to me. He was sick of hearing the same things. That it wasn’t me. That it was this Ian or that Ian. When it came down to it did it really matter what Ian had done these things. Ian was still to blame.

            “I’m so sorry.” I said my fears for my father growing inside of me again. Growing stronger and faster than they had before.  All of my fears and worries were confirm when father balled up his fist and punched me in the face.

            I went down to the floor as he stood over top of me taking off his belt. I closed my eyes because I knew the pain that was coming. Go to your happy place. I told myself and I could feel my skin sting and burn everywhere that his belt touched. I was numb to it after about the fifth hit. This pain was nothing that I couldn’t handle. It was nothing that I couldn’t take. Tears leaked from my eyes but it wasn’t from the physical pain that I felt. I was overwhelmed with everything. With hurting the aunt that I loved. With my father so ready and willing and brutally hurting me.