Kwentong Kolehiyo

You Had Me At 'If Only'

It was all about to end. It was the moment I have been waiting for, to finish something I couldn't contain. But you had to say it.
The two words that could equalize the weight of the word: Almost.
If only... It was like you still wanted me to hold on, you gave me hope, or so I thought.
I could still reminisce the time I first saw you in P. Noval court. I never really noticed how beautiful you were, maybe because that was not what I was looking for.
We were introduced to each other by common friends, though I never really liked you because you were really stubborn and quite grumpy.
But as the days went by, we got close and eventually I started to see what I was looking for, I saw how beautiful your personality is, which I have to admit, I immediately fell for.
Months went by and we were becoming sweeter and more like special to each other. That was the time when I learned that you already have someone else. So I decided to slowly relinquish all my feelings for you. Then when the time came I knew that it was almost gone, I told you what I felt for you because I thought I was sure it wasn't gonna comeback at all, then you said that if only you didn't have someone else, you would've love me more. That moment, all of my feelings came back and. I thought hope was rekindled. But disaster came as fast as hope arrived. I was stupid to assume. The remaining months that I was able to see you were the most painful ones. We were walking past each other, not even looking at one another's eyes, that's when I lost you. One of the most precious being that the Almighty Father has given me, is what I lost because of my own fault.
I cried and prayed to the Holy Mother and God Almighty almost every night just to have you back, but no, crying would only suffice as pain reliever for a night, not for a lifetime.
Many months passed, I knew in my brain that I was okay, I was good, better even. I was able to start laughing and smiling genuinely, that I was sure within my mind, but not in my heart. There was still that void, a blank space kept from everyone else but you.
I don't exactly know why the heart affects the mind when it comes to emotions, I've researched and by far, there is no hormone that comes from the heart towards the mind that affects emotions. But maybe Psych majors could enlighten me about it.
Nevertheless, you came back,at first it was awkward, but eventually we were back to how we used to, where we used to, in the same Court and I thought it was the answer to my prayers, but of course, God would only give you what you really need, not what you want.
He gave us what we both needed, enough moments just to fill the void that was left in our hearts. He answered my prayers, but my humanity flaw came over me and I was never satisfied. I thought it was never going to end, but eventually, everything, whether good or bad, must come to an end right? Before the start of the christmas season, we had to part ways again since we knew we were both within a borrowed time. This time, It became clear and I realized that the elemental drive of my existence or even for some, is to love and to be loved.

If only there was a forever, we could've spent time as long as we wanted to, but since the existence of forever is in doubt, let us just spend time with ourselves as long as we can in our lifetime. I will not say goodbye to you, but rather, see you soon.

SixGreen
2009
College of Science