Kwentong Kolehiyo

The pain is in knowing it was yesterday

Hi. It's been almost 3 years now since the day you left me hanging. 3 years and i'm still not over you. 

I remember the time you left me with no words to explain why, to explain what i've done wrong to deserve this. I've been a mess for the past 3 years. I still am. All i ever needed was a simple explanation from you. 

During the first few months lagi kong tinatanong yung sarili ko. Ano bang ginawa ko? Bakit mo ba ko iniwan? And then naiisip ko maybe i already knew deep in my heart that this was coming, i was just too blind to see. 

I still remember vividly what happened on my 17th birthday, you gave me a very special gift, a gift that i will carry for the rest of my life. You gave me a scar ... In my heart, you broke my heart . Nung araw na yon, yung araw mismong yon naging kayo nung babaeng pinakapinagseselosan ko. 

You know i loved you, i still do! Sinuportahan kita sa lahat ng gusto mo, pagkailangan mo ko isang text mo lang andyan na ko. I was there when no one else was and you took me for granted. And the worst part? I let you do that.

But you never supported me, you were never there when i needed you the most, you didn't even congratulate me when i passed my entrance exam in my dream school. And since you're a year younger than me i was meant to go to college first, i was meant to leave you first but i don't have any plans on doing so. I'm willing to do anything i can to make this work. Pero anong ginawa mo? Iniwan mo ko few days bago ako pumuntang manila para dun magstay. Hindi mo man lang sinabi kung bakit, ni 'sorry' wala akong narinig mula sayo. It is as if i never existed in your world, in your life, like i was never there and maybe i never did. No, by now i'm sure i never did,i never was, i was just too blinded by love to notice. That's the thing about unsaid things, unsaid explanations, it will leave you hanging, hoping and clinging into something you're not sure even existed.

And this year i promise myself that i will forget about you like what you did years ago, i will stop waiting for that explanation i should've received 3 years ago. I know you'll think i'm dumb for staying in love with you despite all the shits you've put me through. And maybe i am, because the truth is people don't get to choose who they will love, but they have a chance to choose who to stay in love with.

P.S i know you read here regularly, your friend told me so when i asked him how have you been, i just had to post it here bec i do not have the courage, i will never have, to say this straight to you.Congrats you made it to your dream school, i was meant to congratulate you 2 years ago. I hope you don't go breaking hearts there. I hope you well 

The Girl You Left Behind 
2012 
Faculty of Engineering