Kwentong Kolehiyo

Being the Eldest

Being the eldest child is not easy. As the eldest, you have a greater responsibility. Now that I'm not getting any younger, there are things that I always have to consider. It is not always about me. I know I should not be selfish because I'm not the only child. I have siblings. I always believe that we are loved and treated fairly by our parents. I do not question on how they show their love for us. Their love is unconditional. I cannot ask for more.

Being the eldest, I know that I should be more mature and more understanding. I should know what to do and what should not. I should be able to prioritize the things I need more than the things I want. I know. I know. I know such things. But I don't know if I can consider it as an advantage. Being the eldest, I know that my parents are working hard just to give us the best life that they could, just for us to have a comfortable life, to give us the quality education that not everyone can have. I also understand and know their sacrifices and efforts that is why it is always hard for me to ask for things I think I don't deserve. Unlike my brother, I can't upload a photo of the things I want and tag my parents then say that I want this, I want that, etc. i can't request for an out-of-town or vacation in far places. I know it is expensive. I can't do that. I know it's not easy for them to provide for us. As I grow older, I realize that I should not be self-centered. I have to prioritize my siblings first before prioritizing myself. There are times that I feel shy to ask for my book allowance or additional allowance for some matters. Sometimes I feel shy asking for things even if I know those things are reasonable and I think I need them.

I know how supportive my family is, especially my parents. I know they will support us in whatever endeavor we take. But being the eldest, it is hard for me to ask for anything. Even if sometimes I know that something would be a great help for me, there is this thinking that 'no. I should not pursue this because it is expensive.'

Being the eldest, it is just hard sometimes. I am not jealous because my siblings can easily tell my parents what they want. The questions on my mind are:

'When will be the right time for me?'

'When will be the time that I will prioritze myself?'

'When will be the 'me' time?'

'Am I not deserving of the things I want?'

'When will I be brave to tell my parents the things I want and at the same time I think I deserve?'

Sometimes I just feel that I am abandoning my own happiness. But for me it's okay if it is for the people I love. I know it sounds like I am contradicting myself. But do not get me wrong, I love them. They are the best. And I am so thankful and blessed to have them. That is why I am writing this. I want them to know how proud I am that they are my parents. They raised us well. I salute and love them so much. And I will do anything just to give back all their sacrifices although I know it is impossible, I cannot replace what they have done, and are doing for us. I love you Mommy and Daddy.

Ate ng bayan

2016

Faculty of Arts and Letters