Kwentong Kolehiyo

Scars

There was no reason for me to fall in love with you. But nonetheless, I did. We met through our mutual friends. I saw you first at our interaction. You were partnered to one of my closest and most trustworthy of friends, I didn't like you because you were pretty or you had talent in singing. Even though that those should be the factor of it, but no. I wasn't even appealed by the beauty that you bore. All I knew that you were beautiful, that was it. At the interaction day, I faked my feelings to someone from your school. I just broke up with my bestfriend since 1st year. I thought I'd never get over her, so I played around with various women across my reaching hand. I could get them talking and trusting me within a night, But I must admit, I'm not that good looking, I'm not overly appealing in looks and hobbies. I was a geek in music. I like all sorts of music. I had a passion for it that would just would scare girls away, that's where I stopped talking about it.

Then prom season came, I went to your school prom with someone that invited me. I didn't care much who I was with, just as long I was having fun. At that night, we were both dancing with someone else, and still no eye contact glistened in us. Though, I saw you, I was like, "Tangina, this girl talaga, bro." I didn't know if I was infatuated with you, nor just finding you appealing with what you wore, I just had to say that out loud. A few months after, I broke up with the nice girl that did everything for me, she was from your school. I regretted how much pain I sent her, but I was not myself with her. Nothing sparked between me and her.

A few months after 3rd year, I finally had the courage to say Hi to you. We spoke for hours everyday, we started conversing about stupid things and serious ones at the same time. I lied about everything to my friends about who I am. Some of it were true, but the main identity of who I am was masked. You held everything of who I was in the world. You knew about anything I cared and locked up for. Then, you started telling the things that ached you, your ex and parents. To cut things short, your ex got jealous of me because we spoke about anything we wanted everyday. He got angry, he picked a fight with me and so on. All I did was talk to you, though I understand that it was a conventional and normal emotional Response. He broke up with you because of me.. I didn't want to speak to you after, but you told me that you needed someone at that time. So, everynight, you drown me in your emotions of rejection, pain and denial. That's where I fell in love with you. I saw everything from who I was. I only played with girls because, I got played too. It sounds so plain in the human ear, I know. But between you and me, feelings are not JUST. They are the cord of life to death. We were both clueless at that time. So then, we kept on talking like we always do, and boom, you suddenly gave me a sign that you liked me. I didn't know if it was right, you and your ex broke up because of me, then you suddenly gave me a sign that you like me now? It felt uneasy, I was confused. But, I played along. I couldn't resist it. After that, I didn't know that you were playing my head, but to cut it straight, you liked someone else. And it wasn't a ""he"", I always knew that you liked women too, but it never stopped me from being in love with you. I accept you completely, quirks and all. I did fell in love with you because of your imperfection. So you liked her, the end. I knew it would end this way after all.

Then we saw each other for the last time, I was surprised to hear that you were dropped out of highschool to attend homeschool, and you were drowned in weed to escape reality. It didn't matter to me, I loved you nonetheless. Since then, you lost contact, no one knew where you were or what you're doing. Your parents found out about everything which decided them to cut you from everything you knew that was life. And, you started conflicting scars on your own arm too. Then I ask myself why? I have them too. And you know why, but you piling on isn't helping. It was a mistake to strain myself, they're only a reminder of my weakness. It's not that I see anything wrong with weakness, but giving in was not an option. I didn't know that, but you did. I always reminded you to never end up like me. But why did you have to be like me? Then for months you were gone. And I remained the same. Stained and denial of the pain you gave me. I really did love you, but it was wrong to be so. But I wasn't angry nor sad, neither bitter of it. I was more, cold? Distant and quiet. Then you came back around January, we started talking again. I couldn't help myself to talk to you. But in the end I realized, I wasn't in love with you. I mean, I was and I probably still do, but I know I wanted you to be safe more than anything, nothing more. And now, you've changed. You're going to your dream school, you stopped baking yourself, and as for me, I'm about to attend to my dream university too. Maybe we're better off this way, me being distantly inexistent of the feelings I had for you. I still want the best for you. Everyday I pray to God to keep you away from harm, and you do know, I don't pray at all. Maybe, I do still want you. I mean, I still think of you all the time. And it's crazy to be that in love with you. You've changed me so much, I stopped smoking, been performing at school better and I've stopped fighting around. You have been one big impact to me and I am forever grateful for it, truly. So if someone comes and he's better for you, I'll ask you one last thing, would you ever run back to me?

Han DBTC/UST
2019 
Faculty of Engineering