Kwentong Kolehiyo

Too Much of Too Little

I'm sad. I've missed out a lot in life. I never knew the feeling of a comforting hug, to have a shoulder to cry on, and really just to have someone to listen. I'm a member of a big family. My parents work abroad, but they always feel so distant. I have close friends in the real world. Pero, parang ngayon, pag sapit ng gabi, tas magisa ka lang na madaming iniisip, alam kong magisa lang talaga ako. It's so lonely here, friends.

Nagulat ako nung nabasa ko yung journal kong sinulat 2 years ago. Eto nakasulat: ""I find it hard to pretend to smile anymore. Maybe I'll just continue being busy to forget the blackness engulfing my heart.""

Grabe, ganun ba kalala? Halos maiyak ako nun. Pero as usual, in denial parin ako... para d ako mabaliw.

May nanliligaw sakin. Akala ko siya na talaga. Pero... Kung sinagot ko tong taong to, alam kong magdedepende lang ako sa kaniya palagi. Kaya kahit gaanong ""close"" na kami noon, nilayuan ko siya (for his sake). Naguusap parin kami, pero alam niyang may nagbago sakin (pero wala talaga, magaling na talaga akong magpanggap).

Eto problema sakin eh. Mapride ako. Sobra. Ayokong kahit sinuman makaalam na ganito ako kalungkot (simula nung bata pa ko). Kaya eto, minsan passive aggressive sa net minsan.

I don't hate people or humans in general. I'm the one cooking for the family, the responsible one. I'm also someone admirable (in the outside, at least.) Mataas grades ko, Sociable, etc. That's me, a person not even showing any noticeable signs of depression (eg. cutting yourself, etc.) I've never let anyone know, but I almost did.

Sincerely thanks for taking the time to read this.

Liadan 
2012 
Faculty of Pharmacy