Couldn't Hate You If I Tried .

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Shawn DeLuca

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Shawn DeLuca

Love , an intense feeling of deep affection or a great interest and pleasure in something or someone . I wanted that , well i had that and for some reason it just stopped one day . He no longer had that deep affection or great interest in me . He was angry all the time and he wouldn't let me fix it . so i left .

i think what hurt the most is that he didn't stop me or fight for me . i still did my usual routine just without him . i still went to some of the same places , just with my friends now . i had introduced him to my life and when he finally let me into his we were done . he was so angry with me when i found out he did more than trade companies and businesses  .

the more time alone i had figured out that i should be the one mad . he wasn't honest so of course i got curious .

my grandmother was having a barbecue , so the entire neighborhood would be there . considering the fact i needed something to distract me and get my mind off things i decided i'd go .

when i got there i was about a hour late and everyone was already here , even my friends . everyone was laughing , smiling , having fun . it brought back the memories of when we'd do this when i was a kid .

"You know normally your laughing , dancing and smiling with them" That voice i haven't heard in a little over a month said from behind me as i watched everything . turning around to meet his face i had mixed emotions . "what are you doing here ?" i said finishing my cup of liquor .

"your grandma invited me" he said tilting his head to analyze me . "well i hope you enjoy ." i said walking away . i wasn't sure what to say to him . i didn't expect him to be here . and i didn't expect him to ever talk to me again .

throughout the day Shawn inserted himself in my business the whole time , he wouldn't stay away . People with the little ones were leaving now and i was helping in the kitchen to clean up with shawn . "you hate me ?" he asked out of nowhere breaking our silence as i did garbage and he did dishes .

chuckling i shake my head as he turns off the sink water looking at me , "i couldn't hate you if i tried , i just had to get over you and move on . and it's easier if i keep my distance ." i said being honest with him . "what about friends ?" he said looking like he didn't agree with how i felt .

"i can't do that . i can't be only friends with someone i love ." i said shaking my head continuing with the garbage , "it's only that way because it's safer and you know that ." he said taking the garbage bag from me .

"if that's how you honestly feel then leave me alone completely or protect me as your women . because i refuse to be anything less . good night ." i said walking away to look for my grandma .
———

I was already drunk from the liquor at my grandmas , but the blunt i smoked topped everything off . i was calm but still in thought . i hated when i closed my eyes i seen him , i needed to let him go .

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