if only you'd listen .

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i had been watching him all night

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i had been watching him all night . but he's been watching me too . i could feel it . i always could . his stare , presence , touch and smell always did something to me . but i couldn't say anything , we were broken up . and he had some girl with him .

i'm not a hating ass female so i won't call her ugly because she wasn't , but it did hurt seeing him with her .

it also pissed me off that he had the nerve to stare at me like i was his still but had another bitch on his arm .

we were at my best friends wedding , his little sister . yes i dated my best friends brother . shit if i'm being honest i was engaged to him a couple weeks ago .

we even have two kids together but i refused to talk to him . i was good off the bullshit ass apologies and excuses .

Avaiyah (avy) our 4 year old and sekani (sin) our 1 year old were with my mom for the weekend . she didn't know what me and ryan were going through though . shit she'd probably be trying to fix shit if she did and i didn't have the time for motherly advice .

it was after the wedding and the limo was taking me home . i was drunk and ready do drink some more at home . i was happy fir my bestie but so fucking angry at Ryan . i wanted his head , i felt embarrassed because to everyone , we were together but after tonight they knew we weren't the moment he was with another bitch .

after changing out my bridesmaids dress into one of ryan's black button up shirts and red panties i headed downstairs to my living room.

putting on music i sat and drank thinking about everything . i honestly didn't know how to feel . i didn't realize until i heard banging on my door that i had tears in my eyes . i knew who it was so i sat there for a minute trying to compose myself .

opening the doors ryan stood there except this time the first 4 buttons on his shirt was unbuttoned , exposing half of his chest . his eyes mirrored mine , drunk and hurt .

me and ryan had been on and off for 5 years , the first year was a secret from jazz . but i got pregnant with avy . when avy was 2 we broke up . our first real break up . then we got back together one night when we slept together and made sekani . a year later .

i was tired of the on and off . my kids and i deserve someone here all the time . they deserve to see a married happy family .

this time it was because he was out later than his normal hours at the tattoo shop . but i'm not tripping . because what nigga comes in the house after i put the kids to sleep for two weeks straight , coming in smelling like alcohol .

with no explanation other than "i was at work" work don't last til 3am .

"bab—"

"you can't call me that anymore ." i yelled pushing him in disgust .

the alcohol in my system boosted my confidence and made me bold . my hands just kept pushing him and he didn't stop me . before i knew it i was against the wall my hands in his left hand as my face was being held by his right .

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