Whatever makes you happy .

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Omari 'Sonny' Dillard

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Omari 'Sonny' Dillard .

Omari was something else . something special . He made me feel special . He made me feel important . He made me feel worthy and cherished . And He made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world .

Or at least he used to , not so much anymore . That's why we were sitting here with lawyers talking about Divorce or Legal Temporary Separation . He didn't seem to like or approve of any of it though . The look on his face held anger and confusion . yet it looked like he had been crying as well . id only seen him cry one time ever .

He assumed the night he left that the next day everything would be fine after an apology but it wasn't . not even close . the next day he came home to legal papers and his bags packed while i was at work . the crazy thing is , that didn't make him leave . what i had to say made him leave . he couldn't hold himself accountable , everything was my fault .

Life for us hasn't been the same since we lost our child  . I get it , i understand . I lost my a child too , but he let the loss of our child ruin our marriage . He let it push us apart . He blamed me for it . e didn't have to say it but i could tell . I mean i was the one rushing to leave the house after an argument and stay at my moms only to get into an accident pulling out of our fancy driveway .

I blamed myself for a long time . I still do . But to hear your husband blame you , and tell you it's your fault . that our little baby would be here if i would've just stayed home and not drove while crying . maybe he was right . but that still didn't give him the right to blame our child's death on me . or did it ?

"Mrs . Dillard , why do you wish to separate from Mr . Dillard if i may ask ?" His lawyer asks me as i held eye contact with Omari . "Because our marriage is falling apart . and there's no fixing it . i've tried for over a year now ." i said truthfully . "and what do you want out of this separation ?" he continued . "nothing , he can have the house , the cars , everything . i just want to be happy again ." i said watching him laugh bitterly , "Happy ?" he asked astonished chuckling lightly, "i don't make you happy ?" he asked in disbelief.

"Not here" i said keeping it short and stern , "then where and when ?" he said standing up , "because i can't call you or even come by your home to talk to you , so when ?" he started raising his voice . "could you guys give us a minute ?" i asked politely not wanting them in our business .

"Sonny" i started calling him the nickname i gave him when we were kids , "you can't tell me you don't see what i see , you can't tell me you don't see us falling out of love and pushing each other away ." i said looking at him with a genuine look of concern . "falling out of love no , pushing each other away yes i do but that doesn't mean it's forever . i mean be for real we lost a child , you can't tell me we didn't grieve that shit differently ." he stated walking towards my chair , "you really think we gon stay away from each other ? divorced or not" he asked . which he was right , we'd probably get back together eventually anyways . but that wasn't my point .

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