not myself without you .

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"he's just so fucking stupid

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"he's just so fucking stupid ."i said as i held my daughter onyx , while venting to my sister on the phone .

"i mean but what do you expect , i had to settling for the same shit with darius . i just stopped arguing with him about the streets ." she said .

"girl fuck that and fuck lorenzo . what his dumb italian ass is doing bigger shit then the streets and you know that ."

"that's how's you feel ?" i heard his italian voice say behind me .

turning around i roll my eyes setting onyx down , "girl ima call you back later ."

"what you doing here ?" i asked once onyx was watching tv on our bed , and i hung up my phone .

"i live here the fuck you mean ?" he said smuggly looking at me with his eye brows nitted .

"oh really ? i couldn't tell ? it seems like this is a pit stop for you ." i said walking out my room once i seen onyx sleep .

"the fuck you mean a pit stop ? and stop fucking walking away from me ." he said grabbing my arm .

"i don't want this anymore , you want the mafia still ? then you can have the mafia , but you can't have me too ." i said looking at him .

his face softened and his hand loosened around my arm . "bambina , don't say that . don't give up on me , or us . that's half of who i am , and i can't just give it up . that's part of my family . please don't give me an ultimatum , because in order to keep you and onyx safe , i have to choose the mafia ." he pleaded .

"you just chose . now either you can be gone or me and onyx will . your choice ." i said angrily .

i was more angry that the answer he gave me was the one i expected . i just couldn't sit here for a week while he's on a mission with no contact until he comes home , worried if he was okay .

walking away towards the kitchen , i grabbed his bottle that he kept in the cabinet , as poured me a glass .

feeling his hands wrap around me as i downed the cup , and his head buried in my neck . he inhaled my scent before placing a small kiss as my neck , "i love you mama . and i'll be back for you . you're always gonna be mine and so will onyx ."

before he could shut the door behind him from leaving , "if you want to talk , it's only to see onyx . nothing else ." i yelled before hearing the door slam shut .

it had been almost a year since me and enzo ended things . i hadn't moved on from him , i couldn't .

we had set up visitation . and everytime i seen him he would try to persuade me to stay and chill with him and onyx for a while , but i always declined .

i was shopping for onyx's christmas present since christmas was three days away and she was at enzo's moms house .

as i had found her last present i decided to stop at victoria's secret , i needed to treat myself . so why not .

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