Hi guys!!! Omg its been very long. I think about 2 years since the last time i wrote. But guess what that makes this a wholesome chapter. So, well two years huh. Let's start.
So the second half of 2018 was mostly spent in my sadness and depression times. I used to mostly fight with my parents to make me leave my boarding school because it couldn't possibly handle myself.
But I think i made the best decision by not leaving.
My ninth grade was probably the best and the worst year of my life. To list out a few incidents:
~Had my first kiss
~Had better relationship with my family
~Got a 100 in my math exam
~Did extremely well in my exams
~Became more comfortable with myself and my identity
~My parents go to know about it (it was bad)
~ Made more friends
~Went for international competitions (I went to the states,Yale and china)
Well 2019 was a very happening year for me. One really bad, i must say, thing happened to me was that i went to a therapist. No i am not implying that going to a therapist is bad.
So i went and we talked. Then she diagnosed me with anxiety and mild depression and prescribed me some medicines.
side note: i didn't buy them because my self hate self didn't want to get better.
My situation kept getting worse that day. I had 3 mental breakdowns.
Anyway, then came around 2020.
And I took a wake up call.
I decided that i cannot wait for a person to come in a shining armor instead I've to put on the rusted one.
And just like that your girl became a lil better.
I think maybe my wake up call time was when i was in America and like walking around the Times Square all alone. It hit me, that after a time its gonna be all me by myself for myself, and if i didn't do anything I'll lose myself.
Anyway, jump to march.
So quarantine had started in India and well my school got shut and everything was just dull.
But something made me realize, that this could be the time to do that 'anything'.
So I started small. I started noticing my flaws. I tried to look at them from the perspective of someone who would love me dearly. And how they would feel if i told them that i hate myself.
Girls, have flaws but at the same time be flawless. Embrace them. See yourself from my perspective. How would I feel if my favourite girls in the girls are hurting sad.
So i started embracing myself.
Okay one more thing that i did was i cut out almost 3-4 toxic people from my life. Which i'll tell you was a relief. I think one never realizes when they are being toxic but one does realize it when they are in a toxic relationship/friendship.
So i started doing some physical activities to keep myself busy and being middle class and brown, I had to help my family which was fun. (My brother and I danced to Queen once while doing all the chores).
Then I started making drum beats when i was bored. Helped my grandma all the time while making food.( If you guys want some exotic indian food recipe, pls drop by)
So that's about all. I mean it doesn't sound that big when i write it but if we ever meet in person, do remind me to tell you all the details and happenings.
I'll try to write as often as possible, but stay safe out there guys. You are our babies and i don't want any one of you to be hurt or sad.
All the love,
Shreya
ps: So there are these 3 kids near my house who are very poor. We were talking yesterday and they told me their online classes aren't that productive. So i proposed to teach them, for free. My dad said no but I'll do something about it;)
pps: if u guys wanna drop by, my handle is shranty210. bye iloveyou all sm.