Smoke and Bones (Smoke #4)

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Everything was a blur. My heart pounded, my head throbbed and the four walls which surrounded me had felt like they were caving in. Things were however, surprisingly been a lot better than it was before. The apartment felt a lot more emptier than it was, even more than whilst Andrew was living here.

Even living in my own apartment, I still felt it wasn't my own. Maybe I had grown so much of an attachment to the house that Holden once rented for us, I was still getting used of not being able to stay there anymore. Even with the circumstances that we were under whilst staying there, I couldn't help but to feel as if it was meant to be a significant part of my life. As if that house would always have a special place in my heart as it was once the house I called my own for a bit.

In the aftermath of Tamboon, any hopes of reuniting with Andrew as boyfriend and girlfriend seemed highly unlikely as every time we tried to get back to the way we were, an excuse always arose.

I'm tired. I had a long day at training. I'm not ready for this yet. I don't think it's the right time.

Pressing down my lips between the white cigarette, I puffed as I let out sigh and gazed at my reflection in the mirror. How different had I looked from only twelve months ago? My - still - blonde hair was toulsed, symbolic of how life had been since months after coming back from rescusing Marcus from Madeline's despiciable clutches. The navy blue material that covered my chest and crotch was the only piece of clothing that I was wearing.

Andrew was still living at the apartment - or well, a lot of his stuff was residing at the apartment. Andrew on the other hand was always staying over at a teammates house and I think I knew the reason for it.

He wasn't ready to accept the fact that I had cancelled our wedding and broke us up to go rescue my ex.

He didn't need to say it, because it was clear. It was clear in his hesitation every time Tamboon was bought up. It was clear in his gestures and, in the body movement that felt suddenly out of place.

Nobody had really made themselves known to the others in the aftermath Tamboon. Between recovering from the hell of the casino and Gemma's funeral, I hadn't really had much contact with the other team members that also went to Tamboon. It's ironic to be calling them team members when nobody could be bothered to tell the others if they're at least alive.

Last I heard was Jordan still was going ahead with his wedding with Vanessa despite his shock choice to hook up with Jordanah at Tamboon. Thinking back to the trip, the broken mirror might be starting to make a lot of sense right now. I mean I know I'm not one to talk but it made it a lot harder to like Jordan lately since he's screwing over two women whom I admired a lot. But other than that and the fact that Marcus was still undergoing tests in the hospital, I knew very little about how the others were doing.

My phone bank had become clogged with messages from the others who hadn't went to Tamboon with us. Vanessa, Ellie, Georgia, Darcy - there was only two categories I could have assumed what the texts were about.

It was either asking if I was okay or, if I knew I was stupid for doing what I had done and gone to search for Marcus myself.

Had I regretted my decision to do so? Maybe, maybe not.

Would I have changed my choice on going through with the plans had I have known the outcome? Probably not.