Best Friend + Matthew Espinosa

99 | The untold secret.

"But, shortie! We've been waiting for a month now! I'm pretty sure doctors are suppose to give their patients their results in like a week, not a fucking month!" He groaned.

"I know, Matty. I know, but please, I'm waiting too." I went to walk away from the kitchen to our bedroom to find some clean clothes to change into after taking a shower, but his words stopped me.

"Do you know how scary it is?" He paused. "I'm scared shitless almost every fucking day of my life ever since this has been happening. You're scaring me, Jannalyn. I want to be able to help and make you feel better, but it's like you don't want me to. What we need to do is go down there and demand to tell us your results!" My breath hitched. "I'm scared." He blinked his tears away.

"Why are you scared? There's nothing to be scared of, Matt. I'm going to be fine, I promise." Even I knew I wasn't going to be fine.

"I'm scared of losing you..." I gulped. "Aren't you scared too? You should be scared, for god's sake!" I flinched when his voice raised. "What's going to happen if I wasn't here to reach for you inhaler, Jannalyn? Would you still be breathing right now?" A teardrop fell on the apples of my cheeks. "No, baby. No, baby you wouldn't and that fucking scares me." I turned around to the scared helpless boy who loved me as much as I loved him.

"Don't act like I'm going to end up leaving you, Matthew." I told him. He glanced down at the floor blinking before glancing back up at me letting a few teardrops escape the corner of his eyes and roll down his cheeks.

"Then please explain to me why it feels like it?" He crossed his arms, sniffing.

"But I'm not, I promise." I walked over to him, cupping both of his cheeks wiping his tears away. "I love you and I promise that I'll never ever leave you." He sniffed, slowly nodding. He pulled me close to his chest again and just held me while silently crying.

"I want you to go to the doctors tomorrow and ask them for your results." I heartbeat fastened. "And I'm going to be by your side the whole time." He took both of my hands and intertwined them together with his. "okay?" i just nodded. "I love you so damn much." I muttered it back. i was too distracted by thinking about what his reaction will be when they tell us my result which I already knew this whole time. I was just afraid to tell him. I was afraid that I'll lose him.

"Shit," I heard him whisper. "I'm suppose to be leaving in like five minutes." He said. "I'm gonna go change then I'll leave. I'll see you later tonight? I'll cook us dinner." He would be able to tell that there was something wrong with me if I just nod at him, so I tried to act normal as I could.

"Cooking us dinner, huh? That's new." I teased him, he smiled at me in return giving me a small smack on my behind. "Remind me to order pizza while you're at it." I joked. "Ow!" He smacked me even harder. He just smirked at me and gave me wink before running out of the kitchen before I would kill him with my bare hands.

I walked over to the bathroom, my smile dropping to the floor. I stared at myself in the mirror. Before I end up having another breakdown like those last few nights, I quickly got in the shower. I cursed at myself for forgetting to grab some clean clothes before getting in the shower. Nobody is going to be home anyways. I continued with my shower, pushing away the thoughts of what Matthew told me. He was afraid of losing me when I was afraid of losing him too.

I had no idea that at the end of that day, both of us are going to end up losing each other.

After my shower, I wrapped the towel around my damp body. I dried my hair and body before walking out. It had been like fifteen minutes since I got in the shower. Matthew told me that he was leaving but I was confused when I saw him sitting on the couch with wet cheeks and tears still rolling down his eyes. I slowly walked up to him but his eyes didn't glance at me, he was staring at the home phone. I was about to ask him what was wrong with him but the voicemail coming from the home phone cut me off. When I heard the familiar voice, my breath hitched and that's when Matthew's eyes fell upon me watching my reaction.