77. "I love you and only you."

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a/n: I really need to finish this book so I can start the new Matthew fanfic. I'M SO EXCITED. 

We couldn't all fit in one car, so we had to drive in separate cars. Although, Luke did drive Andrea, Keegan, Ryan, and Jocelyn so they are all riding in one car, Jess and Nathan in one car, and I'm stuck with him in one car. I wanted to drive my own car and not be with him but at the same time, I was kind of lazy to drive. 

It's been ten minutes and the color concert is about forty-five minutes away from our home. The car was filled with awkward silence, it's only been ten minutes yet I was already thinking whether I should jump out or not. That's how awkward it is. I heard him let out a sigh, signaling that he was about to speak. And so he did.

"Jannalyn.." He started off. I didn't bother to make eye contact with him, I didn't say anything and just kept my eyes on the road outside the window. I knew he was going to say something about what happened early, but I didn't want him too. I didn't want him to bring it up again. I was tired of arguing, it made my head ache. So I interrupted him before he could say anything. 

"I really don't want to talk right now, Matthew." I said quietly, I felt his eyes on me but I still didn't bother to glance at him. 

"Just please hear me out." He responded. 

"I can't." This time I looked at him, into his eyes, the pair of eyes that would lighten up my mood every time, but this time it was a bit different. "I know we need to talk, but right now is not the perfect time." I looked away before I can make a decision I will regret. "We can talk later when we get home." He didn't say anything. 

It made my heart ache because I don't know what's going on in his head. So I stayed still and kept my eyes out the window. Thoughts were filling my head making my head hurt. I tried to ignore all those randoms thoughts I've been trying to avoid. 

He loves Jessica, not you. 

I felt a tear rolled down my cheek from the corner of my eye, I didn't even noticed it until the little teardrop dropped on my hand that was placed on my lap. I quickly wiped it away and sighed in relief when he didn't notice. To keep myself from crying even more, I shut my eyes closed, turn my body away from him and tried my best to fall asleep. I felt two tears rolled down my cheeks, I didn't even bother to wipe it away. I let myself cry before I felt myself drifting off to sleep. 

••• 

We finally arrived. Matthew woke me up by calling my name out and telling me we were here. I yawned and stretched my arms out, I was going to open the car door and hop out but I felt him grabbed onto my wrist making me stay still. I turned around and faced him, sadness, regretness, and broken-hearted was written all over his face. His appearance made my chest ache, it made me want to hug him and just hold him. I know I can't do that, I can't just forgive him way too easily. He hurt me in a way I thought he never could. 

His grip on my wrist was loose, his hand then let go of my wrist but held onto my hand. I told myself to yank my hand back. I wanted to yank my hand back. But, it was like my body was craving it, craving for his touch. My body felt numb and cold without his touch, my lips felt cold and numb, my heart felt like I was missing the other half. That other half belonged to him. 

He has my other half, while I have his. But who knows how long it will stay that way? 

"I know you don't want me to talk to you, but-" He cleared his throat. " I just wanted to remind you that I love you." He looked up to lock his eyes with mine.

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