55. "If I know what love is, it's because of you."

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August 6, 2016-

I couldn't sleep last night, my confused mind was killing me. My mind kept me up all night with the question repeating over and over again in my head. I tried to sleep, I tried to listen to calm music, I tried to sleep without the blankets laying on top of me, I even tried sleeping in different positions. I couldn't do it. I had to stay up until 4 in the morning thinking about what decision to make.

If I choose to stay here with Matthew, I wouldn't be able to go to my dream school and live my life how I wanted but I would have Matthew by my side. He makes me happy but if I got to Stanford, will I be happy? Will I be happy with my new friends? I don't want to replace Andrea, Luke, Ryan, Keegan and Matthew. Even if I don't go to Stanford, I will still be happy, right? I would probably forget about it but it's just hard to make a decision.

I imagined myself living in a dorm with someone who probably won't love me like Andrea does. I imagined lasting a day without thinking about Matthew or without talking to Matthew. I can already feel my chest tighten. It would obviously kill me.

I remembered stuffing my confused head under my pillow, that's when I finally closed my eyes and fell deeply into sleep. I woke up at 12 in the afternoon by my phone repeatedly buzzing.

What could that person possibly want?

I reached over grabbing my phone as I roll my eyes, I squinted trying to read the contact name. I couldn't clearly read it but I just answered it anyways.

"Hello?" I yawned. I'm still tired. I rub my face closing my eyes again, about to drift back to sleep until I heard his voice. My eyes quickly opened and I was no longer tired. A huge smile plastered on my face.

"Hey, baby." Baby. Seriously, I still can't get over that. It always makes my heart flutter and my cheeks turn pink. "Did I wake you?" Yes, but I lied.

"Nope, I was justing chilling..on my bed." I cleared my throat, I wanted to get rid of my morning voice but it wouldn't go away.

"I know you're lying." He chuckles. "I'll let you go back to sleep-"

"No, I'm good!" I stopped him. "I needed to wake up anyways."

"If you say so, babe." I could imagine him smiling. Oh don't get me started on his smile, fucking beautiful. That's all I can say.  "Anyways, I was going to tell you something but it's kinda stupid to tell you over the phone." I smiled.

"Well then what are you waiting for? Come over, you idiot." I giggled.

"Already climbing up the tree!" Then he ended the call, after i tapped the end call button, there he was tapping against the window. When he saw me look at him, he waved. I smiled and stood up from my bed, I opened it.

"Hold up." He was about to attach his lips to mine but I remembered I still haven't brushed my teeth, I held up a finger against his lips before running to the bathroom to brush my teeth. He followed me while laughing. He crossed his arms and leaned his head against the door frame watching my every move.

I hurriedly put some toothpaste on my toothbrush, I rinse it before shoving it in my mouth and rapidly brushed. I was tapping my fingers on the sink as if i'm in a hurry. Bitch I am in a hurry, in a hurry to kiss my man.

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