50. "How can you love me if you don't trust me?"

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Oooh shit

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He turns around to face Ryan when I didn't say a word, he shoves him really hard causing Ryan to stumble and fall down.

"Matthew, chill!" He holds up his hands in surrender. I blink back in reality and tried to separate Ryan from Matt.

"Don't tell me to chill! I know you like her! I've known since you two started hanging out." He says through his gritted teeth.

"Matthew, Matthew listen to me, okay? Nothing was going on." I stood in front of him with my hands placed on his chest trying to calm him down.

"And how are you gonna prove that?" Right when he said that, the oven beeped. Ryan didn't take a minute to jump over the couch and run to the oven.

"Listen to me. I just invited him over to hang out because I didn't have anyone to hang out with. I called Andrea up but she was busy." I said. I'm afraid. I'm afraid he won't believe and he'll break up with me. If he finds out anything about me almost kissing Ryan, he's going to flip his shit.

"Well why didn't you ask me to hang out with you? Ask your boyfriend, Jannalyn." I felt the need to cry. To crawl into a ball and just cry.

I hate arguing, especially with the person I love. Like Matthew. It felt like ever since the Jessica situation happened and the situation about Paul not being his real father, it felt like we were drifting apart. It felt like I was losing him.

"I-I thought you needed to spend time with your family and think over things." I said softly.

"So what?" He snaps. "I'm your boyfriend, you're supposed to ask me first. Who knows what will happen next." He sits down on the couch letting out a sigh.

"What are you trying to say?" I cross my arms, he doesn't look at me and keeps his eyes on the floor.

"I'm saying that what if that guy tries to make a mov-"

"You think I would cheat on you?" I was somehow nervous about what he will say. I felt guilty. Why should I? I did nothing wrong, i didn't cheat. I didn't feel his lips on mine. There's no need for me to feel guilty.


"That's what you're trying to say, isn't in?" He doesn't answer. "What? You don't believe me?" I questioned him. He remains silent, I'm standing infront of him angry at him because of what he thinks of me. "Oh yeah, you don't. If you do trust me, you would've told me about your past with Jessica." I can feel my eyes welled with tears.

"I do." He stands up and grabs my forearm, i yank it back.

"No-no you don't." Now I'm on tears.

"Yes, i do. I love you. I trust you." He says, his hand comes up to my face caressing my cheek.

"How can you love me if you don't trust me?" I look up in his eyes. My vision were blurry with tears rolling down my wet cheeks. Looking into those beautiful hazel eyes refreshed my mind with good memories we had and thinking how i fell so hard for this boy standing right infront of me. How much i love him.

"I-I don't know." He sighs, he doesn't look away but kept his hazel eyes on me. I could stare at his eyes for days.

"If you don't trust me, you don't love me." I slowly shake my head and put my hand over his that's on both of my cheeks. I close my eyes to try and stop the tears from rolling down. I open them again coming in contact with the eyes of a guy that i fell so hard for.

"What are you saying?" Hurt is written all over his face. It hurts me. "Are you breaking up with me? See! This is why us dating would be a terrible fucking idea."

I couldn't breathe. I held in my breathe. Tears were rolling down my cheeks rapidly, my hands removing his. He looks at me confusedly on why i pushed his hands away. The aching came back, the feeling on my chest and my stomach began aching. It hurted so bad, i didn't know what to think. What are you suppose to think when a guy just admitted he regretted being with you? In fact, he regretted to love you?

"Are you saying you regret being with me?" I said softly, my voice sounds so soft not because i'm tired of yelling. It's soft because i'm hurt.

"No, No." He shake his head, he takes a step closer then i take a step backwards. When he would try to touch me, i would shove his hand away or take another step backwards. He realizes i don't want him to touch me so he stopped trying. "I didn't mean it like, baby." His voice cracks.

"Then what did you mean?" I sniffed. "How can you possibly say something then say you didn't mean it like that?" I started yelling.

"I'm sorry-"

"I think you should leave." I cut him off.

"We need to fix this." He shook his head.

"There's nothing to fix, Matthew! We both knew what you meant. Probably even Ryan knew what you meant. You admitted you regretted being with me, so let's keep it that way." I couldn't believe what I was saying.

"Keep it what way? What are you saying?" His voice cracks again as if he's in the urge to cry.

"I'm saying maybe we shouldn't be with each other anymore. You were right."

"No, No baby don't."

"I have a terrible headache right now and i need to take nap so please leave." I pointed to the front door. I don't even know what i'm saying.

"Remember I love you. I always will." He takes a step closer. In his face, it seemed like he expected me to take a step back closer but i didn't. He closes his eyes and left a kiss on my forehead before stuffing his hands in his pockets then walk to the door. I wanted him to look back but he didn't, he kept his head low and just left.

I followed him to lock the door. Once i looked it, that's when i started falling apart. I slide my back against the door and sat on the floor crying out loud. Tears rolled down rapidly, my chest aching so bad, and my throat tightening.

I heard Ryan walk over to me, he sits down next to me. He wraps his arms around me letting me cry on his shoulder as he rub my back to comfort me. Right now, i need someone to hold me and he's here to be that person.

Author's note:

I've been listening to Shawn Mendes' songs for like the past 3 days and i'm in love. It's not the first time i've heard his songs and i've been with him from the start, before he started becoming famous. But his songs are like the best. Like all his songs are lovely, you know? He writes his own songs coming from his and that's what i love about it. Other singers just writes about sex and marijuana but it's good too, i'm just saying that shawn's songs are incredible and it gives me the chills. it's gives me a good vibe. if you haven't ever listened to his songs. do it now. it will change your life. He looks like Nick Robinson and he also reminds me of Ed Sheeran. he's so talented. vote if you agree!

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