I'm A Loser

I Need You...Again

The doctor looked at him with sympathetic eyes, "I'm afraid he's not. Your friend, John, he-he's passed."

"No...that's impossible, he couldn't...he can't-" Paul mumbled.

George began to cry his eyes out.

"He can't be dead!" George shouted.

Liz ran to the room where the doctor had come from. She hurried in and found John's body, lying on the hospital bed.

"No...." She whispered. "Johnny... Please! Come back!"

She fell to her knees. "No! John I need you! John! JOHN!"

Liz held onto John's lifeless hand. The hand that had beaten her, the hand that hit her, the hand that touched her face gently right before John would kiss her.

"JOHN! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" Liz screamed. A few men came into the room to remove Liz.

"LET GO OF ME!" She shouted.

They quickly removed her and took her back to Paul and George. Both of them were crying in the chairs in the waiting room.

"George! He's dead! He's dead! He's dead!" She cried into his lap.

George tried to comfort her but not very successfully seeing that he was also crying. One of the nurses brought a journal that they had found in John's jacket when they were trying treat him. They gave it to Paul and Paul looked through it. It was full of poems...no...lyrics. There must've been more than 50 different lyrics and ideas. All in John's messy handwriting that Paul loved. In the back of the book there was a drawing John had done. Paul recognized one of the people as John, with his Buddy Holly glasses that Paul loved. And the other person, it was Paul. In the drawing, John was holding Paul's hands and they were about to kiss. Around the drawing, there were hearts that had "John loves Paul" and "John+Paul" and "true love." Paul cried over the fact that his friend, his best mate, his lover, was gone. Paul put the book to his face and smelled it. He needed to smell something. The smell of cigarettes, clubs, and John's cheap cologne. Nothing. Paul couldn't smell it. Paul asked one of the nurses if he could take John's jacket home. They gave it to him and Paul put it on. It smelled like John. Paul zipped the leather jacket up and put his hand in the pocket. He found an unfinished pack of cigarettes and a guitar pick.

"John..." He muttered to himself as he covered his face with the jacket.

Aunt Mimi had arrived at the hospital as well. She requested for her nephew's body to be cremated. The ashes will be spread in Strawberry Field- John's favorite escape place. Mimi took ownership of the rest of John's things that had been with him when he went to the hospital. She advised Paul, George and Liz to go home. The three drove home, all devastated. They walked into Liz's house silently. George and Liz went to their room and Paul went down to the guest room where he had just been with John hours ago. There was dry blood on the floor and the gun. The gun that John had used to kill himself. Both right next to the bed.

"Oh my God..." Paul said in shock. "It's all my fault. If- If I had heard John get out of bed, I could've stopped him...I could've saved him."

Paul ran to Liz. Liz was crying on the bed and George was in the shower.

"Lizzy, it's all my fault!" Paul screamed.

"What? What's your fault?" Liz asked worried.

"I could've saved John! If I had heard him wake up! I could've stopped him, Liz! I could've saved him!" Paul yelled.

Liz grabbed Paul's face. "It's not you fault! Paul, I promise you, it's not your fault!"

"It is! It's all my fault!" Paul said, starting to hyperventilate. "It's all my fault!"

Liz hugged Paul, "Love, it's not your fault." She said as she rubbed his back.

"Lizzy?" Paul asked

"What is it?" Liz asked.

"Y'know how I said I'd always be there if you needed me?"

"Mhmm." Liz answered.

"Well...I think I need you now." He said honestly.

He kissed her on the cheek. "Please?"

Liz stared at Paul. "Paul, I wish I could... I mean I'll help you as much as I can but I'm with George."

"I don't care about George right now! I need you, Liz! Please!" Paul begged.

"Just, hold on." Liz said as she went to George in the bathroom.

"George we need to talk." She said as she walked in on George who had just wrapped a towel around his waist.

"What's the matter, Love?" He asked.

"It's...It's Paul. He keeps saying how he needs me and I don't kn-"

"Go ahead." George replied.

"What?" Liz asked confused.

"I think Paul deserves you more than I do and he needs you right now more than ever." George said.

"But George we just got back together." Liz said.

"I know. But you only came back cuz Paul told you to." George replied.

"But..."

"But what, Lizzy? You know you're happier with Paul. I understand. Paul needs you know. I'm used to being alone, just help Paul get through it right now. And then if you like being with him more, then stay with him. If you think you're only with him out of sympathy, then you can come back. But just go help him for now. I insist." George said.

"Thank you, George." She said as she hugged his half-naked body.

She hurried back to Paul and wrapped he arms around him from behind.

"I'm here for you, Paul." Liz whispered.

"Really?" He asked in disbelief.

"Mhmm. We're gonna get through this...together." She said.

Paul kissed her. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!"