I'm A Loser

Beautiful Boy

George offered for Lucy to spend the night and she gratefully accepted it. Everyone had gone to bed, Lucy in the guest room, George and Liz in their room, and Paul in his. It was a little past 2 in the morning and Julian had started crying. Paul got up and went over to Lucy's room.

"Lucy-Love, I'll take care of him, you get some sleep." Paul told her, wanting to spend more time with Julian.

Lucy nodded her sleepy head and Paul took Julian back to his room.

"Hey, Love." Paul said as he picked up Julian.

He carried him back to his room and sat on the bed. His legs were crossed and Julian was lying in his arms.

"Y'know you look so much like your daddy?" Paul whispered.

Paul placed Julian in his lap and gently lied his hand on the baby's cheek.

"Sleep pretty darling, do not cry

And I will sing a lullaby."

Paul sang to Julian who was starting to fall asleep again.

"Your daddy asked me to write that one day when he told me he wanted a lullaby. I didn't know why he wanted one until now." Paul smiled.

Paul thought it was strange that he was calling John 'daddy.' Paul promised to himself that he would do anything to help Julian that night. Julian fell asleep and so did Paul. Julian didn't cry one more time that whole night.

In the morning Lucy came into Paul's room to find Paul lying on the bed, still sleeping, and Julian tucked in right next to him. Julian's hand was holding Paul's finger again. Paul heard the door creak and looked out of his half-opened eyes.

"Morning, Lucy." Paul said with a yawn.

"Hey Paul." She smiled.

"C'mere." Paul whispered.

Lucy walked over and sat on the corner of the bed on the other side of Julian.

"He's never slept this quietly for so long." She said amazed.

"Your his mum, you can lie down." Paul encouraged her.

She did and Paul and Lucy were looking at each other and Julian was between them.

"Lucy, I'm sorry he called me 'daddy' yesterday. I shouldn't ha-"

"It wasn't your fault, Paul. Besides, I'm sure you'd make a great dad." Lucy smiled.

Paul blushed, "Thanks. I see why John fell for you."

Lucy blushed as well.

"Do you live nearby?" Paul asked.

"Um...I do. I actually live with a friend. You see, my parents sorta kicked me out when they found out I was pregnant." Lucy said shyly.

"That's terrible! I'm so sorry." Paul said as he reached his hand out to Lucy's hand.

Lucy took it and looked at Julian.

"I know you think John just left you and didn't really car about Julian but I think he was just under a lot of stress and I have proof he loved Julian."

"What do you mean?" Lucy asked.

He had a book that he left when he died and it was full of song lyrics and poems. I've looked through most of them but I've only understood where a few came from. But I think meeting Julian just helped me figure out one more.

"Do you have it?" Lucy asked.

"I know one of the verses." Paul said.

"Could you...sing it? Or at least say it?" Lucy begged.

Paul nodded his head.

"Out on the ocean sailing away

I can hardly wait to see you come of age

But I guess, we'll both just have to be patient

'Cause it's a long way to go, a hard row to hoe

Yes, it's a long way to go but in the meantime

Before you cross the street

Take my hand

Life is what happens to you

While you're busy making other plans"

Tears fell from Lucy's eyes when she heard them.

"I had no idea John actually cared about Julian. I mean, he suggested the name as a joke one day but I decided to name him that anyway." Lucy said.

"For his mum." Paul blurted out.

"Hmm?" Lucy asked.

"His mum's name was Julia. She passed not too long ago either." Paul explained.

"Why didn't John tell me any of this?" Lucy asked, disappointed.

"Don't take it personally, John only told very few people what was going on in his life." Paul comforted her.

Julian began to wake up.

"Hey, Jules." Paul smiled as if he had just seen John wake up.

"Good morning, Sunshine." Lucy gave him a kiss on the forehead.

Julian pulled at Lucy's red hair.

"Ouch." She laughed.

"Don't pull on your mummy's pretty hair." Paul jokingly scolded him.

Julian's attention was moved to Paul.

"Daddy." Julian mumbled.

Paul looked at Lucy not knowing what to do. Lucy's eyes just filled with tears, she not knowing what to do either.

Paul moved on from the subject and put Julian on his chest as he lied down. Julian lied down on Paul's chest and fell asleep again. He moved up and down as Paul breathed. Lucy giggled, "I'll get him off."

"No,no it's fine." Paul assured her.

"Who's that?" Lucy asked as she saw a picture of Paul and Linda.

"Oh that's Linda, she's my girlfriend." Paul explained. "She actually knocked on the door one day trying to find a place to stay over the summer since her flight was cancelled and we ended up well liking each other. But she's back at school in America for now but she promised she'd visit whenever she could."

"Oh...that's nice." Lucy said awkwardly.

"Something wrong?" Paul asked.

"I just...didn't know you had a girlfriend." Lucy admitted shyly as she blushed.

"Oh. Don't worry. Anyone would be lucky to have a bird like yourself." Paul tried to cheer her up.

"No one wants a teenage girlfriend that already has a baby." She said discouraged.

Paul wasn't sure what to say, knowing that Lucy had a point.

"Hey, if you ever need a place to say, I'm sure George would let you in. He's kinda known for letting people come in with him." Paul smiled.

"Thanks." Lucy said.

"I'm just worried about how I'll manage to raise Julian when he needs to go to school and all that." Lucy admitted.

"If he's anything like John, he'll figure out a way to manage." Paul said.

"I hope." Lucy said.