I'm A Loser

And Your Bird Can Sing

It had been a few months since Paul and Linda started going to school again. They were doing fine in school and George was done with his first few rounds of therapy. He was able to come home and start living normally again in a few days; just in time for his birthday. Paul and Linda were off of school for the next two weeks because of snow and ice blocking the streets.

Julian was 2 and a half and was up and walking a little.

"What should we do for George's birthday?" Paul asked.

"Maybe we could take him out to the pier and let him pick out a guitar." Linda suggested.

Paul nodded and couldn't wait for George to get home. Paul wasn't sure how George had coped with Liz's death. He seemed so well put together at the funeral and didn't seem to effected by her passing. Maybe George was just better at dealing with those things than Paul was.

Paul went out to get a cake for George and some ice cream. Linda started cleaning around the house and was getting ready for George to come home. It was his house anyways. She was cleaning out Paul's part of the room and found a box of his blades. Under the box, was a letter...from Liz.

The envelope read, "To Paul: Read this before you decide to grab another blade."

She tucked it back under the box and planned to tell Paul about it when he got home. She went over to his drawer and cleaned it out. Under piles of random objects, she found a whole pile of letters, all with the different messages on the envelope. They were all for different problems that Paul might encounter. Linda let them stay in the drawer.

She went over to George's room to clean his things before he came home. Right on one of the pillows was another letter.

"To George: Please read whenever you can."

Linda found more and more letters scattered around the room.

"This is insane." She muttered under her breath.

Linda heard Paul open the door and rushed down. She told him they needed to talk and Paul put away the groceries, put Julian down for his nap and then went to talk with her. They went to their room and sat on the bed.

"Something wrong?" Paul asked.

"I was cleaning out the rooms and...and I lifted up your box of blades and I found a letter under it...from Liz." Linda explained.

Paul immediately got up so he could see it.

"Wait." Linda said and pulled him back down.

"I found other too. There's a whole pile in that bottom drawer and I found a bunch for George too in his room." Linda said.

"Wow." Paul said in disbelief. "Should've cleaned out earlier."

"I'll look at them later." Paul decided, not wanting to ruin his good mood right now.

After dinner, Paul and Linda went to bed early so that they'd be ready to greet George early tomorrow.

The two walked to the bottom drawer and try picked out some letters. They threw them on the bed and chose the one that said, "To Paul: For an explanation."

They put the rest of the letters back and they got in bed and looked at the one letter still on the bed.

"Ready?" Linda asked.

Paul nodded and began to open the envelope. He unfolded it and began to read.

"Dear Paul,

I just want to start by saying I am so dreadfully sorry about what I did. Obviously I guess I'm not sorry enough to not do it though. Like I've said before, this had nothing to do with you. It was all my fault, I did this on purpose and I was fully aware of what I was doing. You helped me so much and I'll never be able to thank you for that. I would've done this a lot sooner if I hadn't met you. Knowing you, you'll blame yourself for this but to be completely honest, you saved me. I'll never be able to thank you enough. But I'll tell you what, as soon as I meet up with John, I'll ask him what he thinks about his death. If he wants to tell you that it wasn't your fault, I'll make sure there's a sign that you'll see. I'll love you forever, Paul. And just remember, I've written plenty of letters for you and George so feel free to open them when you need to.

Love you with all my heart,

Lizzy xoxoxo"

A tear fell from Paul's face and onto the paper. Linda took the letter out of his hand and set it aside. Paul rolled over to Linda and tried not to cry. Linda wrapped her arm around him and gently cradled him.

"See, Paul? There's no need to blame yourself. Lizzy chose what she thought she had to do and now she's in a better place. Okay?" She asked him in a soft voice.

Paul nodded and Linda kissed his forehead.

"C'mon, Sweetie; let's get some sleep so we're ready to see George tomorrow." Linda encouraged him.

Paul agreed and wrapped himself around Linda. Julian was sleeping peacefully in the crib near their bed.