I'm A Loser

Cheer Down

"Have you read it?" Liz asked Paul.

"The letter was for you, I would never open it." Paul told her.

"Here." Liz said and let Paul read the letter.

Liz watched Paul's eyes intently as he scanned over the letter. He as managed to keep it together until the last part.

"He sent me Linda." Paul smiled as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"And he got to Heaven." Liz joked.

Paul let out a little laugh. "Yea."

Paul started the car and began to drive.

"Are we going to the pier?" Liz asked, confused by the direction Paul was driving.

Paul nodded.

"It's pouring out."

"That's okay." Paul said quickly and continued towards the pier.

They got there and Paul parked the car. They got out and Paul took her down to under the pier.

"Paul, I don't know if I wanna go down there. I mean...that place is for you and Linda isn't it?" Liz asked, nervously.

"Not today." Paul said and held her hand and dragged her down.

They were alone, everyone else had gone in when the rain came.

"What are you doing?" Liz asked.

Paul didn't respond but just took her under the pier and sat her down.

Liz looked at Paul questioningly.

"Go ahead. We can cry together here and no one has to see any of it. Just let it all out, Love. I will too." Paul explained to her.

"Paul, I don't really want to-"

"You're scared." Paul blurted out.

"Am not." Liz protested.

"Then stay here." Paul told her. "I'll start first if you want me to."

Liz nodded.

"Fine." Paul sighed.

He took a deep breath.

"I know John doesn't want me to think that it was my fault, but it's hard not to. I mean, I was right there. We had just been in each others arms...and next thing I know..." Paul sniffed. "Shouldn't I have been able to stop him? How did I not hear him?"

"Paul, you couldn't help it." Liz tried to tell him.

"That's what everyone says, but I just can't believe them. How the hell is it not my fault? John and I were literally hand in hand. If I hadn't fallen asleep before John..." Paul trailed off.

Liz kissed his cheek. "The only person that could've stopped this was John."

"I told you, Liz. I just can't accept that."

"But John said it himself!" Liz told him. "He wrote it in the letter."

Paul sighed.

"Okay...whatever....your turn, Love." Paul said.

"Um...fine." Liz cleared her throat. "I'm scared. That's it, I'm terrified that something's gonna go wrong at the hospital. What if this next surgery has a terrible mishap. I'll only have you, Paul." Liz began to shake.

Paul tried to wrap as much of himself as he could around Liz.

"Don't worry, Honey. I will do anything I can to get you through this." Paul assured her as he kissed all over her.

Liz held on to her only hope. She put her body against Paul's chest and he pulled on his leather jacket to cover the two of them up.

"I know this is the total opposite of what I just said but...I can't get the idea out of my head that..." He began to say.

"That you could what?" Liz asked.

"That I could...see John again soon."

"Paul don't scare me like that." Liz trembled inside Paul's jacket. "You'll see him one day, but please don't try to make that day any time soon." Liz begged.

"I'm trying not to think of it, but it just won't leave my head." Paul admitted.

"Just think of all of us that need you. Julian needs a father, Linda needs the love of her life, George needs your support, and I need...I need you." Liz murmured and kissed Paul.

Their noses were still touching and they could feel each other's lips. They looked at each other and Paul whispered words of reassurance to her. Liz had fallen asleep, dry tears on her cheeks. Paul didn't want the wind or rain to irritate her so he took off his jacket and placed it around her. He shivered in the cold, salty rain for a bit and decided to go home when he heard thunder. Not wanting to disturb Lizzy, he managed to pick up the thin girl and carried her to the car. When Paul buckled her seat belt, she woke up.

"What the hell?" She said half-asleep. "How'd I get here?"

"You were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you." Paul told her.

"Oh." She smiled and fell asleep again.

Paul enjoyed the quiet car ride back. He got home and took her to her room. He tucked her in bed and left a note on her bedside table that said, "Sweet dreams, Love. Xoxo."

Paul went back to Linda and Julian who had been in the basement, listening to records.

"Hello, Sweetie." Paul said and gave Linda a kiss.

Linda kissed him back. "Hey, Paulie."

"Look Julian, Daddy's home." Linda said and Julian's head turned to Paul.

"Daddy!" He laughed.

"Hey Jules!" Paul said.

Julian crawled over to Paul and tugged at Paul's leather pants. Paul picked him up and spun him around.

"Someone's listening to the King!" Paul exclaimed happily.

"Mummy's teaching you what good music is eh?" Paul laughed.

The three listened to a few more records and then Julian fell asleep. Paul carried him to their room and put him in his crib. Paul and Linda also got ready to go to sleep and were soon in bed.

"How's Liz?" Linda asked.

"Good. She's just worried about George." Paul explained.

"He'll be alright won't he?" Linda asked.

"I sure hope so, Love. But let's not worry tonight. I've missed you." Paul answered.

"I've missed you too." Linda whispered and kissed him.

The two had just fallen asleep when the phone rang.

"Dammit." Paul cursed and got up to answer the phone.

"Hello?" Paul moaned.

"Yes. This is Dr. Robert. I'm calling to inform you about Mr. George Harrison." He said.

"Yes, yes what is it?" Paul asked nervously.

The doctor barely managed to get a word out when the phone was disconnected.

It must've been because of the weather. Paul waited a little longer for the hospital to call back but no one called.

Was George alright?