I'm A Loser

I Should Have Known Better

"Do you think we could get into the Cavern?" Paul asked.

John nodded while lying on the bed.

"I don't see why not. We've got a song, singers, a guitarist, and a drummer." John said.

"Then let's go." Paul said.

"What? Now?" John asked surprised.

Paul nodded and pulled John out of bed.

""We've practiced! We can do it, Love!" Paul said.

"Alright. But don't get your hope up, Love. I don't want you disappointed if it doesn't work out." John said and kissed his forehead.

George, Liz, John, Paul, and Pete all went to the Cavern where there was an open slave for a new performance. The time came and the four lads got on stage. Liz cheered them on.

George started playing guitar, the drums started, and John and Paul sang into the same mic.

"Well she was just 17, if you know what I mean..." They began to sing.

Liz looked over the audience to see what they thought. Everyone seemed to be enjoying it until Liz caught sight of one man. He was in a suit and didn't seem to fit in. His hand was on his chin and he watched the new performers carefully.

They finished singing and everyone applauded. They did a few Elvis songs and other classics and then left. Liz ran and gave George a hug. "You were amazing, Georgie!" She said and kissed him.

They were all about to leave when that man stopped them.

"Can I help you?" John asked bravely.

He nodded. "Yes, my name is Brian Epstein. And you lads have caught my attention. Especially you..." He said and pointed to John.

Paul stepped closer to John.

"If you all don't mind, I'd like to hear a few more of those originals. How many more have you written?" Brian asked.

"Uh...we just performed our only one." Paul said nervously.

"Just one? You had the nerve to get up and perform with only having written one song?" Brian asked.

"That's right sir, do you have a problem with that?" John asked stepping closer to Brian.

Paul tried to pull John back before he got them in trouble. "Johnny." Paul whispered.

John shoved him off and Paul looked at him shocked at what John had just done to him. Liz comforted Paul seeing that he was offended by John's action.

Brian led John to the corner to discuss things alone.

"I don't like him." Paul muttered.

"It'll be fine, Paul. John'll take care of it." Liz said.

Paul watched the two men closely when he saw Brian lean in towards John and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. Paul was going to lose it.

Brian finally started heading back over with John towards where they were waiting. Liz felt Paul's grasp tighten around her hand.

"It's a deal." Brian said with a smile.

"What's a deal?" George asked.

"Your all's band. That's the deal. I've given John an address that had the location to the studio. Paul and John, you two need to write a whole album. I'll see you all in three weeks." Brian said and winked at John before leaving.

Paul's grasp on Liz's hand became even tighter when Brian winked.

"It's alright Paul." Liz whispered.

Paul didn't listen. He hurried to where John was standing. "What was that?!" Paul asked anxiously.

"What was what?" John asked.

Paul got closer to John so no one else could hear him, "That kiss and that wink!"

"Relax Paulie he's probably drunk or something." John said laughing.

"This isn't funny, John!" Paul said as he started breathing faster.

John thought Paul was just pulling an act until Paul started crying.

"Paul?" John asked suddenly worried.

Paul was hyperventilating, crying and shaking. John hurried him outside.

"Paul? What's the matter?!" John asked concerned.

Paul kept shaking his head and staring at John.

"N-no. I-I n-need y-y-you." Paul managed to blurt out in between quick breaths.

"What are you talking about?" John asked confused.

"B-Bri-an." Paul muttered.

"Brian? What's the matter with him." John asked again.

"N-need y-you. N-no B-Brian." Paul managed to get out.

"What? Brian? Do you think he likes me or something?" John asked.

Paul nodded still having an anxiety attack.

"Paul, even if he does like me, I don't like him. There's nothing to worry about, I'm yours, Macca." John whispered.

Paul's crying started to stop and his breathing began to slow down.

"There we go..." John comforted him. "Everything's gonna be fine. Let's get you home for now though."

Paul nodded in agreement. John gave Paul his large coat and they headed home back to George's. They arrived back home and John hurried Paul to bed. He got Paul undressed from his leather outfit and put him in his pajamas.

"You don't look so well, Paulie; you need to get some sleep." John said

Paul nodded, still recovering from his attack. John tucked Paul in bed and laid next to him.

"Why'd you get so worried back there?" John asked as he ran his fingers through Paul's hair.

"I thought I was gonna lose you." Paul whispered.

"What did you say, Love?" John asked.

"I-I thought..."

"You thought what, Paulie?"

"I was gonna...lose you-to Brian." Paul said burying his head into John's chest.

"Don't worry about Brian. He's just another normal guy to me." John said.

"I hope so." Paul said.

John pulled Paul closer and kissed him on the forehead gently.

"Do you need anything, Love?" John asked.

"You." Paul blushed.

John giggled and kissed him. "I need you too, Macca but honestly, do you want something?"

"Can I had some hot chocolate?" Paul asked.

John smiled and nodded and headed to the kitchen, leaving Paul alone in the bedroom.

Paul thought to himself, he wondered of John really meant it. That Brian didn't mean anything to him. Paul wanted desperately to believe John, but he had more than a little doubt. He convinced himself that he was going to lose John. He began to cry and went to the bathroom to clean up a little so John didn't see him crying. While he was in there he spotted John's razor. Paul stared at it.

He grabbed it.

He brought it to his wrist so that it met his pale skin.

He slid the blade across his wrist, revealing droplets of blood.

He let out a deep breath and pulled his sleeve down so John couldn't see it. He didn't want to do that, but it felt so good.