I'm A Loser

Nowhere Man

Paul hadn't slept much but as soon as he heard George and Liz start to wake up he quickly got ready and set out to find John. He packed John and him a breakfast In case John hadn't eaten. He wen down Penny Lane, looked around Strawberry Fields, and checked Mimi's house. No sign of John anywhere. He asked Pete if John had stopped by but he said no. He spent two hours looking and asking but he had no luck. At last, he decided to go check the graveyard where Julia was buried. He passed the tombstones and finally saw him. John hadn't heard Paul so Paul didn't interrupt John. Paul just watched quietly from a nearby tree. John had placed a flowers on the ground; Paul counted 20-the amount of days since Julia had passed. John leaned over the ground and wept. He cried and screamed and begged for his mum to come back. John kissed his hand and then placed the hand on the part of the tombstone that had her name on it.

Paul was able to see John mouth out a few words, "I miss you, Mum."

It broke Paul's heart to see John like this and he could barely see his best mate like this. He couldn't take it any longer, he ran out to John. The rustling startled John and he turned to see Paul standing in front of him. John had tears falling from his face and his lips were quivering.

"I miss her, Paul." He cried.

Paul fell to his knees, "I know, Love."

"She-she was the only one that understood-that understood me." John mumbled.

Paul hugged John and didn't let go. He felt John wrap his arms around Paul and he felt the tears fall on his shoulder.

"Shhhh..." Paul whispered, trying to comfort his lover.

John slowly managed to stop his crying.

"Thank you, Paul." John said in between short cries.

"No problem, Love. I'm always here." Paul said and kissed John on the lips.

John looked at Paul nervously.

"Don't worry John, we're alone." Paul assured him.

John nodded hesitantly.

"I brought us some breakfast." Paul said as he got some bacon and cornflakes out of his back pack.

John giggled seeing that Paul had put that food in his bag.

"Want some?" Paul asked.

"I-I don't really wanna eat." John said.

"You've got to eat. You can't starve yourself out of your problems." Paul said.

John remained silent.

"C'mon John." Paul said trying to stuff some cornflakes in John's mouth.

John pushed his hand away.

"Johnny?" Paul asked, trying to get John to eat some.

John shook his head. Paul set the food down and sat next to John. Paul put his arm on John's knee.

"John you have to eat."

"I know. I'm just not hungry right now." John stated irritated.

"Are you sure? You were out in the cold all night."

John nodded again. "I'm fine."

John seemed different, he seemed almost depressed. Paul wanted to cheer him up. He got up and gathered a few flowers from the yard nearby. He brought them back and have his little bouquet to his lover.

"I got you some flowers, Darling." Paul said, offering the flowers to John.

John didn't look up.

"John? What's wrong?" Paul asked.

"Nothing." John said with a sigh.

"Then why don't you want some flowers? They're almost as gorgeous as you." Paul flirted.

Paul put the flowers in John's lap and lifted up John's head by lifting his chin gently. John looked up reluctantly. Paul smiled sweetly at him and gave him a kiss. John didn't respond much and his head just fell back down. Paul was determined to get John back to his usual self. Paul tried singing a little song but John never sang along. Paul gave John many hugs but John didn't react to a single one of them. Paul even made himself blush when John looked at him and John did nothing.

"John, what's happened to you?" Paul whined.

"Nothing..." John muttered.

"Do you wanna go home now?" Paul asked.

John nodded his head and the two walked home. Paul tried to hold John's hand but John never held it back. He seemed so lifeless.


The two got home and John just lied on the bed. Paul had no idea what had gotten into him. When John went to the bathroom, Paul searched the drawers to see if he could find something. He opened John's bedside table drawer and found something. Little pills that were in a container labeled 'anti-depression pills.'

Paul was shocked. He knew John had been down since his mum's death but he didn't know it had come to this. John came out of the bathroom and Paul slammed the drawer.

"What were you doing?" John asked.

"Nothing." Paul lied.

"Did you see them?" John asked nervously.

Paul nodded. "John, I didn't know it was this bad. Can I help?"

John shook his head. "I don't think so, Macca."

Paul was extremely saddened by the idea that he couldn't help.

"Can I cheer you up?" Paul asked.

"You can try, but I doubt anythings gonna help." John said as he lied down on the bed.

Paul climbed on top of John and let his fingers play with the buttons on John's shirt.

"I'm not in the mood, Paulie." John said.

Paul pouted and put his face just an inch away from John's face. He gave John a slow kiss. John didn't say anything and Paul kissed him again. Paul gave him more kisses. When he finally looked at John again, he had tears in his eyes. Paul tried to wipe them away, "What did I do?" Paul asked worried.

"It wasn't you, I just... I wish I could be as happy as you are." John said.

"Then why don't you?" Paul asked.

"I can't. Something's missing now that I can't seem to replace." John explained to Paul.

Paul didn't know what to say. He had experienced what John had been going through but John seemed to be taking it differently.

"John, nothing's going to replace the position that your mum had, but there are things that can help you get over it." Paul said. "And I'm not talking about those damn pills you've been taking."

John looked at Paul ashamed.

"I know, I shouldn't have gotten those anyway." He admitted.

"Well just get rid of 'em soon, okay?" Paul asked.

"Okay, Love." John answered.

Paul went downstairs to go get them some tea. John thought about what Paul said, "just get rid of 'em."

But Paul never told him how to get rid of them. John didn't want all of the extra pills to go to waste...