Famous Quotes

Chris Rock

"Comedy is the blues for people who can't sing."

"Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?"

"I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity. "

"We got so much food in America we're allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain't allergic to shit. You think anyone in Rwanda's got a fucking lactose intolerance?!"

"If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game."

"Men are as faithful as their options."

"You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense"

I do what I can do when I can do it."

"Women need food, water, and compliments. That's right. And an occasional pair of shoes."

"If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you."

"Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else."

"Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right." 

"Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies."

"Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool."

"You can only offend me if you mean something to me."

"Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time."

"If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty."

"Pretty girls have problems too."

"If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner."

"Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do."

"If you want to prevent abortions, you make sure everyone has health care, a high school education and birth control. Not the exact opposite."

"I'm never proper or careful, but I never curse in front of my mother, either."

"The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other."

"You don't pay taxes - they take taxes."

"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments."

"Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special."