Cameron x Nash Short Stories - cash -

Like A Moth To A Flame Part Two

Cameron hopes and prays for one chance but deep in his heart he knows he'll never get it. Not after almost half a year has passed since Nash kicked him out of his life.

He keep searching for another job, one with high pay that will allow him to move out of the motel and he hasn't even gotten one interview. His desperation grows until one night he makes the decision to pawn his phone, the only link he has to Nash. It's the only way he keeps up with Nash's life, he knows it's not healthy but he can't stop himself from reading Nash's tweets, watching his snapchat story and his YouTube videos, looking at the pictures he posts in Instagram.

Pictures with the person who ruined Cameron's life, every time he sees them together, his heart breaks a little more. Nash looks happy, he looks happy in the pictures with his arm thrown around that person, holding them close. Every night after he calls Nash, he goes to Instagram and looks at all the pictures Nash posted of them together, Nash never deleted them and Cameron knows it's dumb but he takes that as a sign that Nash still cares for him.

Maybe he just couldn't be bothered to go back and delete all of the pictures of them together. Maybe he forgot they are even there, as soon as they broke up Cameron downloaded an app that allowed him to save the pictures to his phone. Even if Nash deletes them at some point he'll still have them. He even went as far as to screenshot them because he didn't want to lose the captions, he reads them over and over. He finds solace in them.

It's not healthy, he knows it not. But even with that knowledge, he can't bring himself to stop doing it.

He wonders what Nash has done with the hundreds of messages Cameron has left him, one for everyday for half a year. He figures Nash probably deletes them without listening to them.

He sits at the edge of the bed and stares down at his phone. He really has no choice but to sell it, there's no other way he's going to make it out of the motel. It's hard, it's so hard to let go of it but he has to. He pays a little extra for more space on his iCloud and backs the entire phone up to him. He hopes one day he'll be able to afford another iPhone and he'll have all of his memories back. He screenshots all of their messages, anything that has to do with Nash is backed up.

He raises the phone to his ear and calls Nash for the last time.

It goes to voicemail as always.

"This is Nash, leave a message."

"Hi baby... I'm just calling to say goodbye I guess. I have to give up my phone and it's so fucking hard. It's the only thing I have that links us together and I have to sell it. I won't go into why, this isn't me trying to fish for sympathy or money, it's just reality. I love you, Nash. I love you so much and I pray every night for you. I pray that you're happy and healthy because that's all I want. I miss you, I miss you so much. I miss your smile, your laughter, the way you called me babe. I miss your hugs, the way you can light up an entire room just by being you. I miss your cuddles and your kisses. I miss your family too, I miss the tea party's with Sky and taking Hayes motor biking. I miss your mother's tender soul and your father's corny jokes. I miss it all and it's so hard to live without you. I doubt I'll ever get over you, I'll always love you. God this turned out to be longer than I thought... but... goodbye, Nash. I really wish this had turned out differently," Cameron squeezes his eyes shut but the tears fall anyway. He lets out a ragged breath before hanging up.

He doubts Nash will listen to it, he's sure he'll delete it but it doesn't stop him from calling.

He stands and pats his pockets to make sure he has his keys and wallet. He stares down at his phone before quickly resetting the phone to factory settings before he can change his mind. He has to do it, there's no other way to survive.