Snap To Power

Chapter 26

I sit on the counter as Emily crosses her arms. I know I can trust Emily with this kind of stuff, but I'm not ready. I still don't know how I feel, and it is making me completely furious.

"Ok. What's going on with you and Justin? We told you the truth about us, now it's your turn."

All I do is shrug in response, watching her eyes thin.

"Come on Edan, please tell me. I'm your best friend, we can tell each other anything... I can help you if you're feeling confused," Emily says, her voice trailing off as I shoot her a look.

She knows I have trouble with trusting people. And that sentence doesn't help at all.

My hands shake as I take a deep breath. I'm confused, and I want somebody to help me... but I just can't spill the words out. It's like my body is trying to protect me from further heartbreak. I won't mind if it keeps going.

I'm a human shield. A shield that cannot be broken for anything. Ever. It's a solid shield that is using the fear of itself to keep it balanced. Fear of being more of a freak. More of something that people need to stay clear from. That's the only memory that seems to be stuck to me... That awful memory of the past. Of him.

A nasty taste erupts in my mouth and I cross my arms, looking at the wall. That shield needs to stay up, no matter the cost. I can't let myself break down now. Now without breaking myself first.

"Why do you want to know so badly?"  I snap.

"Because it's unhealthy to keep things in like this. I know it's tearing you apart inside. I can feel it. I just need you to tell me. It will make you feel better... I'm just worried about you," she answers softly.

I stop myself before I can glare. This isn't about Justin... Only a half of it. And I'm not going anywhere near the other half. The half of head pounding, gut wrenching physical pain that makes me down right scared for my life. 

I glance at Emily, my gears turning and my heart rate increasing. I can feel the shield cracking and I hate myself for it. If there's one thing that I definitely know about myself, it's that I have one heck of a trust issue.

Every time I think something is there... some type of fuzz and nervousness just beneath the skin when I'm around him. Present him. Hope spreads through me. Hope that my heart has finally made a decision... but then it will just go away. Like my body doesn't like the surprise and good feeling I felt just then.

All of this is so confusing. Don't you know when you like somebody just by looking at them? Why can't I? Why is it so hard?

Maybe it's the powers... maybe not. Maybe there's just something wrong with me.

Nayeli walks in, a worried look on her face.

"What's going on?" She asks quietly.

"I'm trying to get Edan to trust me... to tell me if she likes her partner or not. It's causing her stress, and I want it to stop."

I don't like the fact that they can read me so easily, but I'm glad she didn't mention the other part of the story.

Nayeli looks up at me, eyes sketched with worry.

"... Do you?"

Anger sweeps into me as easily as air, and I gulp down a sarcastic remark.

"I... I don't know."

Emily sighs.

"How can you not know if you like somebody?" Emily asks, finally getting frustrated with me.