Lucifer

-Playing Games-

                  Things were a blur in all honesty. I was reliving the other night over and over again, every time I went to sleep. I could feel myself get ripped from my physical body. I would walk downstairs and see the stake go right through Fire's chest and the knife cutting deep into his torso. The person who did this to him was dressed in a black hooded robe. I didn't really have much to say, each time it happened. I would just stand there doing nothing, just looking. It had only just been a week. The funeral was tomorrow.

I didn't even wanna go through with this, because it would hurt so much. They said that they were going to have him cremated. There was viewing for the body. It would only last half an hour. I'm sitting on my bed, just staring at the ceiling. As I usually did each time I had a night terror. Every night I would know when it was about to come on. It felt like a tick. So I would cover my mouth or even bite into the sheets so that no one could hear me screaming. That's the last thing that I wanted. I needed them to know that I was able to handle myself. That I would be able to attend the whole funeral without losing my mind.

Time passed me by in a second. I wasn't really thinking about much. I was stealing bottles of wine each night. Downing three cups of wine before I would go to sleep. My alarm clock went off. I was now thinking of a way I would avoid speaking to everyone. I was avoiding a selected group of people.  I got up from the bed and went straight to the shower. I made it quick. Washing my face and brushed my teeth. Right after that I sort of just took out a flannel,  jacket, undergarments, and a pair of pants. I didn't want to dress to impress and I sure as hell didn't care. I fucking hated what I was feeling. I didn't give a shit about if anyone thought that I was selfish for being myself. It just goes to shows that no one is ever on your side. You are always alone until you ascend.

I finished putting on my clothes.I wore minimal makeup, just mascara. That was it. I grabbed my bag, walked downstairs, out the bookshop, and to the woods. I continued to walk until I got to the opening where they wanted to meet up at. I sat down since no one who there as yet. I took out a book about the mer ka bah. It is a is the divine light vehicle allegedly used by ascended masters to connect with and reach those in tune with the higher realms.  I had been reading plenty of books about various metaphysical and occult subjects. Most of the things I would practice in the near future. The first thing I learned about was meditation, which helped me be more positive about my dreams before bed.  .Then I started to learn about sacred geometry.I learned about the Seed of life and how it is the source of all. The Seed of Life the stage right before the shape which is the Flower of Life produces the "Fruit of Life". The Fruit of life is the thumbprint of the universe; it contains every atom, molecular structure, life form and everything in existence.

Now I'm learning about Mer ka bah.  It's only been a week. I have been filling my time by reading a ton of books and doing research. The information was all the same so that sort of did it. I also watched videos on the computer in the book store and that helped a ton.

I was halfway through the book when I heard a couple of car doors slam. I waited for until I was through reading the last page in the chapter to look up. I could hear the footstep approaching me. I sat there, once I finished reading the page I looked up to see Bael, Amethyst, Lucifer, Xander, and Rose. I didn't say anything, I just placed a shield around me, creating a mental block from them. Mind link was the last thing I wanted. I planned after this funeral. I would go to work part-time and do school part-time and only take off if something super important were to happen, and I doubt there would be anything important.

I stood up from the ground, brushing off any grass or things that might have stick to the back of my pants. I said nothing, just looked at them. I knew that this was just a place to meet up and that there would be more people showing up. I needed to go for a quick walk. I couldn't speak, so I just turned and walked somewhere, not close, but far enough. There was nowhere to walk to, I just stood there at the end of the cliff. I never really knew this place was here, but even though I'm glad that I found it now. I knew that the ocean that I was looking at right now, was where they would be throwing the ashes, I preferred to stay here, and watch from afar. If I were to even look at the ashes I would probably fall apart.

I sat down, took out my book and began reading. After about 30 minutes, and 5 chapters. The sound of bagpipes playing filled my ears. It sounded like a whistle, I could see the figures standing there, I could only hear hums, but that was enough. I watched and watched, slowly feeling myself drift away from what was going on. I was so zoned, that I didn't notice that it was raining and that they were all gone already.

I didn't get to go to the club, but even though I didn't. I  managed to get alcohol.

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I walked up to the back door of the palace, then knock very hard. That was the only way the maids could hear. I knocked again, mid knock a lady opened the door. Her eyes shined with gold. I smiled my best smile, then stepped inside to get out of the rain. She handed me a towel, but I refused. I thanked her then walked to the other part of the kitchen. There was key that I needed, but it wasn't on the hook. I didn't want to behave mad, because that was stupid. It would make me seem like I was dependent on alcohol. I stood there to really think about what was happening. I closed my eyes then breathed in slowly.

I took the pinout of my hair, then bent it at an angle. I placed it into the keyhole, then wiggled it until I heard a click. I pulled the large door open and right there in that room was heaven. I walked in closing the door behind me. I locked it, then walked up to the shelf. I had a choice of wine and whiskey. I chose the whiskey. Right then, I placed it in my bag and decided that the best thing that I could do was walk out of the room. I would have to go through the house and out the front door. Word would have probably have gotten out about me being inside and I'm sure that the smell of humans would be evident.

I opened the door and closed it. Walking out of the kitchen and into the dining room. No one was in there luckily. So I walked out of there and went upstairs to grab a tee shirt. I knew that the party or whatever the fuck they called it was taking place down the hall from my room. So I just sort of kept to myself and didn't even tiptoe. I knew that the more I tried to be sneaky the more likely it would be for me to run into someone.  I walked into my room and grabbed a plain white tee shirt and the bag I packed a week ago. I grabbed it and ran out. I kept running and running. I ran out of the castle and into the woods. I ran and ran until I couldn't anymore. I was on the outskirts of the castle. Walking down the main road.  I drank the whiskey and then started my running again. I chugged and ran until everything went black. Until the whiskey was the rain and the rain was my blood, just floating through my veins, cleansing my heart of this fucked up the pain.