LET ME BE YOUR QUEEN✅✔️

chap 70; Moroseness

She let out a disappointed huff and sat on the bed in dilemma. Sweat formed on her forehead and her body seemed to be shaking hysterically. Nabil sighed and sat beside her, enveloping her in his embrace. Stroking her back to calm her down. "Shh, it's okay" he said, his chin on top of her head.

"Nothing is okay, it's not okay" she cried out, shaking her head vigorously. "See, it's not okay, I'm not fine" she said, showing him all the three pregnancy test kits in her hand.

"You're fine, please calm down. It's not good for your health" he tried to calm her down but it only angered her. "Don't tell me to calm down, I have failed even, I have failed" she cried in a high pitched voice. Nabil remained muted, he knew speaking to her would only get things going on the hay way so he shut up. He allowed her to cry to her heart's content on his chest while he kept soothing her back to try to make her calm down.

Seeing her crying that much broke his heart, her tears were torturing as well as her crying voices. If he could he would have lifted the burden off her shoulder. Stressing herself over this matter will only make things worse. She will at least hear from him, she will realize that she didn't have to worry herself about her not being able to conceive. It doesn't matter to him, her well being is what matters to him.

They remained like that for almost twenty minutes, lost in their thoughts. Afifah seems to have calmed down but she was still not stable. Her mind was filled with thousands of worries. Sad and scared of not becoming a mother in her whole life. Will she be called an impotent all her life, she will just be an aunt but not a mother. Things are hard on her, Nabil will not be hers alone, he has to get married to Karima. He slipped out her hand.

"Remember Allah doesn't burden a soul more than it can bear." He concurred, "Allah is with you all the time, never question him. Things will sort out inshallah. Take this as faith. All shall pass"
Her cries seemed to have died down when he uttered those words.

She realized she wasn't faithful enough, she seems to have forgotten about Allah. She should have submitted all her worries to Allah, we plan and He plan and ofcourse he is the best planner. He knows what is better for her. "Be patient, I know you're trying, I know you're worried but try to be more patient. I'm with you, always" he said and kissed her on her head.

She hugged him tightly, not wanting to let him go. Afraid if she lessened a bit he would slip out her reach, he replied to the gesture by letting her choke him as she wanted. "Let's watch a movie," he suddenly said. Trying to cheer her up,

"Horror movies," she asked. He Chuckles at that and nodded

"Horror movies then" she said and got up, he also did the same.
She knew he was trying to cheer her up so she quickly agreed, suggesting he let her watch her new collection of horror movies. Her love for horror films never faded even though he stopped her from watching that but still watched it especially when he left for work.

They went to the theater and arranged everything. They sat on the sofa together in each other's embrace while the movie was playing. "How do you love watching these horrible characters? " Nabil asked when the scary things started showing. He couldn't understand why someone would sit and watch this and still sleep peacefully at night. Isn't she scared, even the theme and sound of the movie is scary.

"Are you scared?" She asked him, she looked not scared at all, she was watching with keen interest while playing with his hand.

"No, it's not that scary. " He denied. how can he be scared when he is not watching all those witches when the real witch was in his arms. All the time his eyes were on her, not on the TV. He was busy looking at her, tracing her features and playing with her hair strands.

"Uhm, how can it be scary when you are not even watching," she said, throwing some popcorn in her mouth. She flapped his hand that was on her nose blocking her view. "Why will I watch those things when a drop gorgeous lady is in my arms" he defended.

"Don't flatter me much" she flushed. She intertwined their hands together,, "your hand is so big" playing with his hand she muttered. "I love it" she sent a lingering kiss on his hand.

"Your hands are so small also" he defended, "so small like Inara's. But I still love it the way it is, " he said, kissing her hand also.

"I love you" she blurts out, that sounds like a pick up line but she didn't mind.
Maybe it's quite loud, but she realized she can't live without him in her life. She planned to spend the rest of her life with him. Alone, matter what.

"I love you more" he said, this is all that he wanted to hear from her, the way her voice sounded made his heart beat intensified. He loves it, her voice, everything about her. She is his love, his wife, his life partner and his life, love her so much.

"No, I love you more" she disagree with him

"No, I love you the most" He said, bringing his hand to his chest, where his heart was thumping hysterically. "that you my love, my heart beat only for you and for you alone". She blushed, the butterflies set fire in her stomach. She leaned forward and left a gentle kiss on where he kept her hand and hid her face on his chest. That gesture of hers made him giggle, at same time the sound of his giggles sending shivers down her spine, making her feel goosebumps all over her body.

"What if our bodies are graves of dead
emotions?
What if we think we are over certain people
meanwhile we carry corpses of their
deceased image deep within us?
What if our faces are tombstones of pain
and unhappiness and the smile we wear so
wide is just a marble stone making the
the whole tomb is luxurious?
What if our hearts are just empty rooms with
a "to let" sign waiting for tenants to move in?
What if they are not just empty rooms but
are rooms haunted by ghosts of people we killed in our hearts because they refused to
stay and we forced our minds to forget about them?

What if we are basically not feeling anything
and it is all in our brains?
What if a heart is simply an organ that pumps blood,
nothing more,
and all that we feel are illusions?

What if i want to conceive and it doesn't
really matter how my womb gets to accommodate an innocent version of myself?
What if my nipples itch for someone to feed on them?
What if my vaginal canal is growing weary of
awaiting the arrival of a the son/daughter of the soil
that my ovaries are exhausted from releasing eggs that I will shed each month for four full days?

What if i so can't wait to have my stomach and waist engraved with either black or silver stripes of childbirth,
that my cervix begs for my uterus to conceive and pelvic wants to dislocate itself
because it has been located for far too long?
What if my ancestors can't wait to argue
about their great grandchild and have him/her fall because they wanna make sure s/he
is of their blood?

What if i never planned to ask all of these questions
and that i happened to breathe all of these words because beneath my tummy lies vowels and consonants tied with a hydrogen bond?". She dropped the pen and exhaled a sigh, using her hand to wipe the tears that slipped out of her bloodshot eyes. Dropping the diary book on the bed, she strode to the balcony to have a fresh Seren air of the winter.