New And Badass by @Marisha_bae
Very interesting start - found it very amusing especially with the bit about the arresting people for nothing.
Dialogue needs to end with a comma. If the bit after it is an action then you need a full stop. Please refer to other critiques about dialogue formatting.
Ellipses only need 3 dots.
Thoughts should be in italics.
Tense jumps sometimes.
If you have the same person speaking then you need to have them have their own, same paragraph.
I would describe more and put less pictures (you can still put pictures in but maybe at the end) since description is the best way of improving your writing.
Overall, a good start. Perhaps a little cliché in the plot line but we'll see.
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