A Hint of Love by @someauthorhuh
You need commas to separate clauses. You also had many comma splices (this is where you have two full sentences and you've joined them with a comma. They need a semi colon or a full stop instead.)
Grammar mistakes and typos were prominent.
You used a lot of colloquialism which didn't really fit.
The intro was cliché and a little cheesy. It would be better starting in the action.
Tense jumps!! Keep the story in one tense.
Dialogue tags need to be in lower case. And you need a comma too.
Good emotion conveyed near the end of the first chapter. It made me like Thomas more.
Numbers spelled out look more formal.
Please look at my comments for examples of corrections.
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