The Novice Detectives.... By @JudgyPrincess
Sorry that this is so late! I've been away.
Within the first paragraph I found many mistakes (all have been marked up for you).
Tense jumps were EXTREMELY prominent. Your story needs to be in the past tense and there were times when you were slipping into present even within the same sentence. Go through the whole thing and change this.
Comma splices were sometimes there but they weren't much of an issue.
Quantifiers and prepositions were sometimes iffy. You need to work on the rephrasing of things in general.
," said she
^^please PLEASE use this as an example. It will clear up everything so much if you do it.
New speaker=new line
There = not here
Their = belonging to them
They're = there are
Basic grammar rules apply (there were times when you didn't capitalise your i's.)
Commas before names.
There was some good vocab though, and a brilliant overall sense of intrigue and structure. It's just grammar and wording I think you need to work on.
Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!
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