Kiss or Kill by @RowwVD
There were some places where you didn't skip a full line and had some sort of half paragraph break. Go through and check this.
Comma splices were quite prominent in the first chapter or so (separate the sentences with a semi colon instead).
You don't always need , " before dialogue.
I wouldn't recommend using pictures and include more description instead. Especially more description of Aron and his pinkie and the whole situation surrounding him.
Numbers spelled out look more formal.
I would cut the chapter where indicated. It seems to me the chapter lengths are too long and drag on slightly.
Thoughts should be in italics and they don't need speech marks.
Too much chat between the main character and Jada.
Blond=male
Blonde=female
Carlo/Carla are too similar and the readers will only get confused.
Overall, an OK attempt.
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