"Bailey, wake up." Trev basically screamed at me while I was sleeping and he woke me up out of a deep sleep.
"What?!" I asked. My heart was racing. He scared the hell out of me and he threw something from his hands at me.
"Trevor. I can't even see properly just give me a second." I said as I rubbed eyes and laid down and he went to me and pulled me up.
"No. I'm fucking serious. Why do you have it? Why do you still have this?" He asked and put something in my hand. I looked down at it and it was coke. Not the carbonated kind.
"I cleaned out your dresser. Why are you yelling at me? I literally just woke up-"
"You cleaned out your dresser and put it in yours? I'm cleaning and trying to help out around the house. Did you do it again since our wedding?" He asked. I did. Only three times. I wasn't addicted, I just did it to relax because I liked the way it made me feel.
"Bailey." He repeated with his eyes softened.
"I didn't. I didn't do it." I lied, but he knew when I was lying everytime.
"Why did you do it? You know how bad I got. You don't know how hard it was for me to stop. You don't know how hard it is for me not to do it just seeing it. Bailey, tell me how many times you did it since I was gone." He said.
"Three times." I said and his eyes softened. He took it from me and he got up.
"Trev." I said and got up. I followed him into the bathroom where he flushed it and he grabbed my face.
"Why would you do that? I'm mad because you know how bad I struggled with it-"
"You can't be mad at me for doing it. You're the one that got me doing it. If you knew how hard it was and cared you wouldn't have let me do it at all." I said.
"I didn't force you to do it. I was also drunk and high when that happened because it was our wedding night-"
"You still gave it to me knowing how it made you and I was drunk so I just did it, Trevor." I said.
"You wanted to do it-"
"I didn't want to do it. I just wanted to know what you felt!" I yelled and he stood in front of me and clenched his jaw.
"What I felt? You seriously wanted to know what I felt? I felt great. The first few times I did it I fucking felt amazing. Then I got addicted. Got brought away from family. I stopped going to my family events and I did what I wanted and just lived my life because it made me feel good and not have a care in the world. I distanced myself away from people that I loved over a fucking drug. I lost everything including my job over that fucking drug. I was an idiot for even telling you to try it but I was so fucked up that I just asked you too. So if you honestly want to know what it made me feel-it made me feel lonely, scared, lost, disgusted, and useless. I abused my ex wife over a drug. I abused you over a drug, and I don't even remember our wedding night because of that drug. Do you really want to feel what I feel?" He asked and my eyes softened.
"Trev-"
"Don't. I get it. Out of all people who would, trust me I do. I just do not want you to do what I did. I want you to stay you and be you. It fucking consumed me and I can't be the reason it consumed you. I can't have it consume you." He said.
"I'm sorry." I said.
"I worry about you so much. I don't want anything to happen to you. You're my absolute world and I thought because of that drug I was going to lose everything and not have anything ever again but I have you and I can't lose you." He said and I shook my head.
"You won't lose me. I love you and I haven't done it in over a month. I'm okay and I won't do it again." I said.
"I feel like it ruined me as a person. I'm still not myself. You don't even know the real me as a whole. I'm sober obviously but I was just so fucked up by all of this that it changed me and I want to go back to who I was. I was such a family man and I still am with our family, but in general I was so close to my family. You would have loved it." He said.
"I love you for who you are no matter what. I fell in love with you for a reason." I said and he rubbed his scruff.
"I just wish you saw me before all this. I was never like this. I never argued or yelled. I just hate that I react so easily and quickly now." He said.
"Well, we can work on that. We're not going to be perfect. Im just happy we got the main thing taken care of. You're so much better than you were." I said and he nodded.
"Yeah." He said and I grabbed his hand and he looked down at me. He rubbed my thumb and he pulled me into him slowly.
"I love you." I said and he nodded.
"I love you too." He said and he rubbed my back. I nuzzled my face into his neck and he kissed my cheek.
"I'm sorry, again. There's no more in this house, I promise you. If I find it I'll kill you." I said.
"Well I'm glad we feel the same way. I better not find any either."