Critiques [CLOSED]

By xanabanana66x

9.1K 917 1.4K

CLOSED due to full Please go to Critiques 2 for a critique. More

WELCOME!
Rules/Guidelines
Payment
Warning PLEASE READ
Form
Critiques #1-100
#1 The Witches' Sacrifice
#2 Strange Love
#3 Coffee For The Heart
#4 The Mind Reader
#5 D.I.C.K
#6 Being Vanessa Jane
#7 Blissfully Ever After
#8 G.AM.E
#9 An Enchantment of Time
#10 Always the Bad Girl
#11 Heart Sound
#12 Legend Of The Wildfires
#13 Goin' Through The Motions
#14 poetry, courtesy of the late nights
#15 The Colloquy
#16 XALVANDOR
#17 Athena Wolfborn
CHANGE IN SYSTEM
#18 The Faerie Forest
#19 Day Walker
#20 Love Is Blind
#21 Little Steps
#22 Little Steps
NOTICE
#23 Dirty Little Secrets
#24 Athena Wolfborn
#25 The Wild Moon
#26 The Queen Of Loregams
#27 The Hidden
#28 The Queen Of Loregams
#29 If The World Were Magic
#30
#31 The Cure Of Darkness
#32 Queen Of Atlantis
#33 The Faerie Forest
#34 The Dead Remain Silent
#35 A New Hello
#36 How Can We Live Like This?
#37 Steps To Loving A Killer
#38 Restless Thoughts
#39 Ignorance Is A Bliss
#40 Kidnapped Besties
#41 Willing Her To Love Me
#42 Sweet Vengeance
TAG FEST!
#43 Intrigued By Chocolate
#44 His Majesty's Ballerina
#45 Taken By A Bear
#46 Happy Everly After
#47 About That Sunday
#48 The Faerie Forest
#49 Belladonna
#50 Hunter's Shadow
#51 Alpha
#52 The Art Of Retribution
#53 Demonic
#54 While Her Lips Are Still Red
#55 The Tangled Princess
#56 Hunter's Shadow
#57 No Heartbeat, No Breathing
#58 The Tangled Princess
#59 Restless Thoughts
#60 Shadow And Lighting
#61 We Didn't Start The Fire
#62 Mafia Girls
#63 Hunter's Shadow
#64 The Tangled Princess
#65 Failures
#66 Hunter's Shadow
#67 Little Steps
#68 Beginning To End
#69 The Faerie Forest
NOTICE
PLEASE READ
#71 Somewhere Inbetween
#72 The Battle Within An Angel
#73 Dawn Of A Tale
#74 Little Steps
#75 Hunter's Shadow
#76 The Forgotten Planet
#77 One Summer
#78 The Missing Princess
#79 Little Steps
#80 Little Steps
#81 Faceless
#82 Ten
#83 Hunter's Shadow
#84 Dangerous Billionaire
#85 The Tangled Princess
#86 Elemorts
#87 Solipsistic Heartbreaker
#88 Perfect 10
#89 Dangerous Billionaire
#90 Those Angry Blonde Curls
#91 Phobia
#92 The Crazy Side Of Love
#93 Forget Me
#94 Elemorts
#95 Henry's Paradise
#96 TCAO - The Bewitching Hour
#97 Instant Disconnection
#98 Pinewood Academy
#99 Weekend Getaway
#100 Perfect 10
Critiques #101-200
#101 15 Carats
#102 The Wolf And The Raven
#103 The Undesirables
#104 Hunter's Shadow
#105 The Shoes Left Behind
#106 Garden Of Flowers
#107 The Depths Of My Heart
#108 Tales Of Magic: A Sorceress' Return
#109 Dangerous Billionaire
#110 TheFallenAngels
#111 The Demon In Disguise
#112 Pandora High
#113 Elemorts
#114 Working Woman
#115 Judgement
#116 Enemies Forever
#117 SOCIETY
#118 Future Virgin
#119 Wielders: Protectors Of The Realms
#120 Kiss Or Kill
#121 His Girl
#122 Hunter's Shadow
#123 A Tale Of Blood & Bone
#124 Killer Queen: A Disasterpiece
#125 The Bad Boy's Reason
#126 The Novice Detectives Of Morgan Valley
#127 Alike
#128 The Witching Hour
#129 What We Left Behind
#130 Starseeds: The Broken-Winged
#131 Kidnapped By The King
#132 Undying
#133 That Of A Nostalgic Future
#134 Accidental Addiction
#135 Hunter's Shadow
#136 Sands And Sparrow
#137 Fight For Her
#138 Where We Find The World
#139 Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Announcement
#140 Blade Of Mercy
Announcement #2
#141 Don't Flirt With Me! I'm A Reformed Manwhore
#142 The Girl From Biringan - Arc 1: Intertwined Stars
#143 Infection
#144 Soulful Whispers
#145 A Hint Of Love
#146 The Moon Is Our Sun
#147 Juliet And Juliet
#148 Thief Of Stolen Hearts
#149 Aftertaste
#150 The Swirls | War of The Witches
#151 My Best Friend's Lover
#152 A Dangerous Woman
#153 When The Lights Go Out
#154 New And Badass
#155 Falling For The Gang Leader
#156 Seven Dates A Weekend
#157 The Penderghast Prophecy
#158 It Had To Be You
#159 It Had To Be You
#160 Trace
#161 Every Second Counts... The Surprise Is Yet To Come This New
#162 It Had To Be You
#163 Always Never
#164 Where Worlds Collide
#165 Not The Fairest
#166 The Book Of Trials
#167 New And Badass
#168 Winning Her Heart
#169 The Book Of Trials
#170 Poems About Life
#171 Kids Playing Soldiers
#172 Just Dreaming
#173 Greaser Queen
#174 Crystal Blue
#175 Chaotic Nights
#176 Life's Seasons: A Poetry Collection
#177 His Love
#178 A Tale Of Two Brothers
#179 Lover: A Book Of Heartbreaks
#180 411
#181 Bad Atttractions
#182 Agent 10
#183 Floating Stars
#184 Lover: A Book Of Heartbreaks
ANNOUNCEMENT
CLOSED

#70 The Revenant

15 2 7
By xanabanana66x

The Revenant by @Eezy313

You had some grammar points that you need to address. They were very prominent but repititive which is good because once you address them all you're done. :)

You need a space after a comma. I saw in most places you didn't have one. Just go through the whole thing and correct this. It'll make the writing look a lot clearer.

Occasional comma splices but I marked these up for you.

You had VERY unnecessary apostrophes of possession. For example:

Eye's isn't a word. Eyes is.

And other ones like that. Like the commas, go through and take out the apostrophes.

Blond is for a male. Blonde is for female. Don't ask me why :)

Dialogue needs adjusting. Please refer to other critiques where I've explained this to other people.

In the second chapter with the letter you had some colloquium. It was one word... I think it was 'right' or something. Anyway, I'd go through that and change it. Your style was so good and formal and then it slipped into some slang which really didn't fit at all.

You need commas before names.

I would use italics instead of capitals for exaggeration.

Overall, a good start. I like the characters and the world building. The plot is coming along nicely too. It's mainly just grammar I wanted to talk to you about.

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

If you would like a critique, please read the guidelines, fill out the form, and complete the payment, all which be found at the beginning of this book. :)

Continue Reading

You'll Also Like

35.4K 847 90
Continuation of Modesto story who happens to intercourse with friends,mature,classmates,strangers and even family...
83.3K 2.1K 31
A little AU where Lucifer and Alastor secretly loves eachother and doesn't tell anyone about it, and also Alastor has a secret identity no one else k...
3.9M 158K 69
Highest rank: #1 in Teen-Fiction and sci-fi romance, #1 mindreader, #2 humor Aaron's special power might just be the coolest- or scariest- thing ever...